Group on left  :
She: What are your main targets?
He:  Redundancies and gagging clauses.
Group on right:
He: Fancy a threesome?
We understand that Welsh Wizard and Rubeus Hagrid lookalike Cllr. Adrian “Windbag” Jones has made an Executive Decision, waved his magic wand and in his grandstanding stentorian tones cried:
 ” Oh yes my lovelies,verily I do decree – Councillors Power Boy Pip, Ann McLachlan ,George Davies,Jeff Green and Phil Gilchrist – thou shalt go to the Local Government Association Ball to be held in Manchester in July” .
Now in these times of austerity this years LGA beano ,sorry, conference is no doubt a bargain at £495 a pop plus travel expenses for each Councillor …..but does the Labour Group really need to send 3 delegates?!.
To be fair they probably do – glad-handing potential LGA peer reviewers may pay future dividends when times come for another glowing report.
The official version is that this year’s event will be one not to be missed and will enable Wirral Council delegates to be:
  • stimulated ( “No Eldritch not like that” I snort)
  • informed  (” That’ll be a first….” sneers Verity)
  • enthused ( ” Rather like a Labrador puppy with a loo roll….” drawls Lady W)

The conference will discuss and debate the central role that the council plays in:

  • promoting economic growth, jobs and prosperity ( hopefully Councillors will begin to realise this doesn’t mean their perks,expenses or lucrative seats on Boards and Committees ) 
  • delivering public service reform and ultimately more effective services for local people ( “public service” may be an entirely new concept for some)  
  • ensuring that financing for local government is sustainable and fair ( we presume this applies to pay-offs for failure to Council Officers because it “sustains” the status quo but again we think “fair” will be a radical new concept )
I think we’re beginning to see how this never-ending carousel of schmoozing and business card bingo works – Blue Sky Thinkers,Transformational Horizon Gazers,Bullshit Merchants,Reputation Management Consultants,Cover- Up Facilitators,Offshore Bank Account Advisers……………………all Local Government “life” will be here and we’re finally beginning to realise, with a deep sense of foreboding ,that we’re all going to hell in a handcart!!!.

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