I was reading yet more shocking tales of Wirral Councils alleged distribution of taxpayers money in the local press, this time centring on rumours of a secret pay-off.
Suddenly my mind became a whirl of unanswered questions, a maelstrom of confusion and intrigue and then I became all woozy,I heard the sound of a harp and saw wavy lines before my eyes just like in old movies ,then found myself drifting off into a restless slumber with these words tinkling in my ears …..
“Hold your breath,make a wish,count to three……Come with me and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination,take a look and you’ll see into your imagination,we’ll begin with a spin, travelling in the world of my creation,what we’ll see will defy explanation…….”
And so let us venture into this world of imagination, a parallax universe where wrong is right, , bad is good and spin is truth. Imagine if you will – The “Council X” Press Statement –
” A Council (X) employee may have been compensated for something but we’re not sure what for and we’re not going to tell you if they were anyway “.
Employee X says ” Although there appears to be no financial or career detriment and I didn’t have to bother with all that tiresome and fiddly legal palaver I feel fully vindicated after my valiant and heroic struggle against corporate oppression.This financial compensation of just under 50 grand sends a very clear message that the failure to address a grievance will not be tolerated.”
I am confident that following due process those responsible for my heinous treatment will be held to account,lessons will be learned and hopefully no-one else will be a victim of such appalling appallingness.
I am therefore proud to work for an organisation that has a Chief Executive X who acts decisively when it comes to writing me out a cheque with the sage advice : ” Let’s keep it under the £50K and if anyone asks any awkward questions we’ll just repeat the words “Compromise Agreement” and “Moral and legal duty” at regular intervals “
I am also proud to work for Leader X who can use the words “open” and “transparent” without blushing or crossing his fingers behind his back. A Leader with Supreme Powers (after checking with Chief Executive X first ) who doesn’t hide behind references to “Corporate Governance” or “Culture” as a means of deflecting responsibility and accountability from those individuals who instigated the Corporate Governance failures and a “corrosive culture” in the first place.
But I am proudest of all to be supported by my loyal colleagues, the dear little people who tell me that I’m an inspiration and would never in a million years leak compromising information because they felt either deeply aggrieved or that it was in the public interest to do so .
Finally I’d like to state that if this Council is to truly “Refresh & Renew” itself after a series of damning reports and scandals it cannot be seen to tolerate or condone such disgraceful disregard of Council employees rights…….well when I say employees I mean the ones that matter….. I mean we can’t be handing out bumper cheques to everyone who’s complaints aren’t handled properly can we? “
So just to be clear on that specific point, when I say “the ones that matter” I mean the ones who are already on megabucks, know where the bodies are buried and what buttons to push ……. “
…..and then her Ladyship prodded me with her riding crop and I woke up and realised it was all just a bad dream…..a bad dream from which I suspect I will never awake.
and if you aren’t a team player remember …..