Vote Wirral Leaks


Hello Leakers, Lord Leaky here

That little “misunderstanding” over my expenses has now been resolved.

An expensive and long drawn out investigation has proved that there was “no case to answer” as it was considered to be an  “administrative error” by my manservant Eldritch, who  – as you may have noticed , has recently been subject to a “gagging clause” and is unable to discuss the matter.

A redacted report of the unfortunate “mistake” will be made available in a few years time in the hope that any wrongdoing will be long  forgotten and anyone implicated in any wrongdoing will have been paid off or “moved on”.

Furthermore I understand that the powers that be consider that it would not be in the public interest to publish this report at the present time as this would undermine public confidence in our civic dignitaries and  could possibly lead to anarchy (or a slightly peeved letter to The Times).

However this means I am now able to resume my rightful place in the House of Lords and attend to important matters of state such as snoozing,nodding off and clocking in and out without attending any of those dreary debates.

Unfortunately my status as a Lord of the Realm precludes me from standing in next weeks local elections. However this does not prevent me from musing on a fantasy manifesto should I ever fall from grace (and favour) and find myself having to glad-hand the proletariat to gain political power.

Of course the first port of call for any aspiring politician is “The Nolan Principles” – The Seven Principles of Public Life. May “The Nolan Principles” serve as a timely reminder for some Wirral Councillors that they are not about putting you in the mood for dancing,romancing and giving it all tonight when in fact they are about :

Selflessness – Holders of public office should act solely in terms of the public interest. They should not do so in order to gain financial or other benefits for themselves, their family or their friends. Integrity – Holders of public office should not place themselves under any financial or other obligation to outside individuals or organisations that might seek to influence them in the performance of their official duties.
Objectivity – In carrying out public business, including making public appointments, awarding contracts, or recommending individuals for rewards and benefits, holders of public office should make choices on merit.

Accountability – Holders of public office are accountable for their decisions and actions to the public and must submit themselves to whatever scrutiny is appropriate to their office.

Openness – Holders of public office should be as open as possible about all the decisions and actions they take. They should give reasons for their decisions and restrict information only when the wider public interest clearly demands.

Honesty – Holders of public office have a duty to declare any private interests relating to their public duties and to take steps to resolve any conflicts arising in a way that protects the public interest. Leadership – Holders of public office should promote and support these principles by leadership and example

So how would I translate these principles into practice if I were a Wirral Councillor?.
Well good people of Wirral this would be my Wirral Leaks Party manifesto:

* Never cover up malpractice
* Never agree to pay-offs for malpractice
* Always hold those guilty of malpractice to account

* Never agree to pay consultants huge payments to give us the answer we want
* Never indulge in bogus surveys and consultations
* Always make our publications transparent,free of jargon/corporate -speak/bullshit

* Never put reputation management before accountability
* Never find ways of not answering Freedom of Information requests
* Always own up if we make a mistake

* Never indulge in self serving,self aggrandizement,self promotion,self interest
* Never compromise our integrity and honesty
* Always prioritise education,caring for the vulnerable and the environment

* Never support nepotism
* Never condone horizontal promotion
* Always promote a meritocracy

* Never do sweetheart deals with unions
* Never do as we are told by local MPs
* Always remember there is more to Wirral than golf

* Never operate a culture of fear
* Never use economic circumstances as a means of controlling staff
* Always foster a culture of co-operation and mutual respect

* Never swear at or demean local journalists
* Never indulge in rambling ,incomprehensible speeches referencing Nelson Mandela and Bruce Springsteen.
* Always be available by email and don’t opt out of receiving emails from the people who elected us.

* Never say anything which I would not want to be in the public domain
* Never indulge in smear campaigns
* And most importantly ..always,always ask whether we are being recorded.


10 thoughts on “Vote Wirral Leaks

  1. Welcome Back My Lord

    Your last manifesti

    * And most importantly ..always,always ask whether we are being recorded.

    Straight after the election I might phone the Clown Hall on the “NOKIA” to congratulate them.

    I do hope the one’s that deserve to survive and have to face the music…and the administration.



    Ps Nigel just pretend to vote for your Pretend Friend I won’t tell him. £50,000.00 plus VAT.

  2. G’day My Lord

    Just re-reading your manifesto and sorry if I missed it but you didn’t directly mention whistle blowers.

    Nigel “Highbrow” Hobro would be much more eloquent than me but in my simple Australian (English) the Clowncil has rules they are supposed to follow so that they can’t be naughty.

    From WBC Whistleblowing Policy, which explicitly extends to workers for
    Service Providers to the Council

    9.4 Within ten working days (or as soon as practicable possible) of the CRF1
    form being received by the Director of Law, HR and Asset Management (the
    Monitoring Officer), he/she will write to the employee who has raised the
    concern(s) to confirm:* details of the appointed Designated Officer with
    responsibility for progressing further the concern(s) raised;* the person or
    body who will undertake the investigation into the concern(s) raised
    (Investigating Officer/Body”);*

    details of how the concern(s) raised will be dealt with;

    and * where applicable, an estimate of how long it will take to conclude
    and provide details of the outcome of the investigation;

    It is now 1,049 days since the whistle was blown to Basnett and Adderley on Big, ISUS and Working Neighbourhoods.

    My Lord what would be your stance on this?

    Would you just change the ten working days to 10,000?



  3. Dear Mr.Griffiths

    There was no mention of whistleblowing in our manifesto because we believe that if you truly have a healthy organisation which is ethical ,open and transparent then there would be no need for a whistleblowing policy (or Confidential Reporting Policy as Wirral Council likes to call it).
    For we must remember never to use The W Word with Wirral Council …… especially when they desperately want to “move forward” from “historical” concerns…….

    Lord Leaky 🙂

    • My Lord

      Thanks for that prompt reply it didn’t take you 1,050 days or even 10 days for that matter, have you ever considered getting a job at Wirral?

      I searched the Wirral site;

      Whistleblowing Policy


      Search results
      Procurement Strategy, regulations and social responsibility
      This page outlines Wirral Council’s Corporate Procurement Strategy, and the policies, rules, regulations and terms and conditions that govern what we do and how we do it. Procurement str …

      Law, Human Resources and Asset Management Equality Impact Assessments (pre-2010)
      The completed Equality Impact Assessments are listed in date order. 2008-2009 Absence Management Policy Access to medical reports Acting up Adoption leave scheme …

      and then I searched for;

      Confidential Reporting Policy


      Search results
      Debt advice
      The Citizens Advice Bureau website provides free, impartial and confidential help and advice on debt and welfare. Loan sharks Visit the Citizens Advice Bureau website …

      Must be a healthy organisation that is ethical, open and transparent My Lord.

      Have a great election day.



      Ps As a last resort I searched;

      Honesty, Openness and Transparency


      Your search yielded no results
      Check if your spelling is correct.
      Remove quotes around phrases to match each word individually: “blue smurf” will match less than blue smurf.
      Consider loosening your query with OR: blue smurf will match less than blue OR smurf.

      Pps I probably would have got more relevant results if I had searched “blue smurf”!

  4. My Good Lord


    Before erection day on Thursday can you urgently let me have more details on your manifesto?

    What is your stance on what will be a very hot topic;


    What will your policy be on this.

    I searched the Wirral site;

    Anti Bribery Policy


    Your search yielded no results
    Check if your spelling is correct.
    Remove quotes around phrases to match each word individually: “blue smurf” will match less than blue smurf.
    Consider loosening your query with OR: blue smurf will match less than blue OR smurf.

    My Lord those blue smurfs must be a new party they seem to be all over the WIRRAL site.

    I think I will vote for them on Thursday.



    Ps It will be a colourful chamber with the Dill, the Purple People Eater and finally the Blue Smurfs.

    • Dear Mr.Griffiths

      Bribery comes in many forms.
      Not exposing a corrupt regime in return for a guaranteed income may not seem like bribery but both parties know it is.

      From our observations Wirral Leaks agrees with the writer Michael Musto :

      “In the last few years, the very idea of telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is dredged up only as a final resort when the alternative options of deception, threat and bribery have all been exhausted

      Tally Ho, Lord Julian

  5. G’day Again My Lordest

    You are so kind replying so promptly.

    But, please, please don’t call me Mr Griffiths, I am not one of those egotistical self-centred, selfish, egocentric, egomaniacal, self-interested, self-seeking, self-regarding, self-absorbed, self-obsessed, self-loving, narcissistic, vain, conceited, proud, self-important senior people at the Clowncil that are hiding the Grant Thornton Report and the DCLG Report on the BIG, ISUS and Working Neighbourhoods issues…

    Just plain old Jim, James, Griffo, The Griffin (No not The Griffin that’s as odd as Phil the Dill, or, The Purple People Eater, or, The Pretend Friend and that would not be good.) in fact just don’t call me late for dinner.

    I am just a simple Wirral born, and now embarrassed about that, ordinary person that was brought up at St Josephs and St Johns knowing what was right and what was wrong.

    WIRRAL is a wrong un.

    You mention Michael Musto and if you research him you will find he is a big Smurfs fan so that is good enough for me I am definitely going to vote for the Blue Smurfs on Thursday.

    Have a look, those little blue barstards are all over the Wirral Clowncil site, just search anything of any importance and Blue Smurfs appears.


    Jules “me old mate”


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