When Foulksey Met Her Majesty


Imagine our delight at Leaky Towers when we discovered that last week’s Wirral News had not one,not two,not three but FOUR photos of Mayor Foulkesy .
This included the portrait attached to his yawn-inducing weekly column ,where for some strange reason , the Mayor’s Ball at Thornton Hall Hotel barely warranted a mention.
Can’t think why can you ?!……..

However we have to say that another highlight of the mayoral year has sadly not been reported locally.

This particular auspicious event was the Mayor and Mayoress’s attendance at a Royal Garden  Party at Buckingham Palace in June just after Foulkesy’s triumphant inauguration.


Of course we don’t expect Foulksey to have the insight to question the savage irony of attending a Royal Garden Party and posting pictures on social networks of exclusive dining at Roux Parliament Square  whilst at the same time championing foodbanks for the poor back on Wirral ……. well certainly not when there’s fawning and forelock tugging to be done and a day out in that there London impressing his fiancee.

Up until now we have been left to wonder as to what went on in the grounds of Buck House on that fateful day until our royal correspondent Si Coffant belatedly posted this eyewitness report:

Mayor Foulkesy and Mayoress,the Lovely Elaine were at the finger buffet when Foulksey dug his consort in the ribs and whispered: ” Hey Lainey isn’t that the one off the stamps and the coins and the telly on Christmas Day?…”

(The Lovely Elaine was preoccupied with a gobful of vol-au-vent but managed to nod in confirmation.) Foulkesy with his plate overloaded with fancy canapes bounded over the palace lawn,neatly dodging the corgis whilst rapidly being pursued by his consort:

Foulkesy : Hey! how ya diddlin’ Queen?.I’ve always wanted to say that ‘cos it’s funny as you is de actual Queen? Gerritt?!

Her Majesty: Yes,most amusing I’m sure…er,have you come far?

Foulkesy : Deffo – our Council Leader Pip Lad says I’m an inspiration as I rose from humble origins to be Mayor and first citizen of Wirral.

Her Majesty : Wirral? Do tell me- where is that exactly ? Is it part of the Commonwealth?

Foulkesy: More common than wealth ma’am

Her Majesty : So I see ….and yes  I seem to have a faint recollection of Prince Philip and I receiving an apology from a Wirral Councillor by the name of  let me see (rummages in handbag for letter )  Ah yes ,here it is … a Councillor by the name of  Janette Willliamson who I understand made a rather vulgar and disrespectful  remark about my dear husband  ….. her apology reads as follows:  “I would like to make a full and unreserved apology for my comments on Twitter.I appreciate the tone and content of the messages was completely inappropriate and would like to say sorry for any offence caused.I feel I have let myself and the Labour Party down and promise to learn from my mistake….”

Foulkesy: She was only jokin’ ya , your Maj –  it’s just our cheeky northern humour …(rapidly changing subject)  …..Anyway can I introduce you to me judy,only she’s not called Judy it’s da lovely Elaine

Her Majesty: Charmed I’m sure….and how did you meet?

Foulkesy: (rapidly changing subject again ) …. er,love da butties ma’am.Did ya make ’em yerself?.Dead posh…….look Lainey – no crusts

Her Majesty : No I have a man that makes all the necessary arrangements

Foulkesy : So do I – ‘is name’s George

Her Majesty : How delightful that’s the same name as my new great -grandson.

Foulkesy : Yeah and the similarities don’t end there Queen – our George is equally privileged, protected and always in da papers too.

The Lovely Elaine: Love your frock… is it from Marksy’s?

Her Majesty : (coughs)…It’s been a pleasure.However one must move on to meet one’s other guests (whispers to Lady In Waiting) …..call security.

And on a final note can we add  that this weeks Mayor’s Diary throws up another cruel irony :

18th November 9.25 am – The Mayor will open Wirral’s Anti Bullying Conference at the Pilgrim Street Arts Centre, Birkenhead.

As Her Ladyship said whilst shaking her head in despair : ” Dearie me it’s like getting Harold Shipman to head up Age Concern….”



3 thoughts on “When Foulksey Met Her Majesty

  1. G’day Lordsville

    Love your story about “The Dunny Chain Wearer”

    But I will trump your Fete and Courting in front of Her Majesty The Queen of Australia with part of the minutes of “Graham Burge(r with the lot plus super duper car and 7 mistakes http://goo.gl/znBccO in 29 seconds)ss’ farce of 8 October Special Meeting turning them all out “The Football Shirt” “Humpty Dumpty” and a gallery full of senior officers and councillors some of whom stayed awake while untruths were told.

    Councillor Hale said that he regretted that the hard work done to help people into work had been tainted in this way with the sort of language used.

    Mr Hobro should apologise for some of the inferences he has made because he
    (Councillor Hale) was happy to accept the Chief Executive’s report.

    Councillor Kelly commented that the Chief Executive had emphasised that he was satisfied with the honesty and integrity of officers, there was no conspiracy here but rather an issue of process.

    By its nature the Council was a bureaucracy and the process had broken down at various points in the system.

    When the Chief Executive took up his post Internal Audit was not fit for purpose.

    The test was whether officers had acted with honesty and integrity.

    With regard to ISUS Grant Thornton had raised some concerns and he drew the Committee’s attention to a number of these within the document bundle where there had been a breakdown in process.

    Councillor Kelly referred to the Grant Thornton recommendation suggesting the matter be referred to the Information Commissioner, ‘given the possible breaches of the Data Protection Act’ and also to the Council considering possible civil action. He suggested that the Council needed to accept that the way in which the Council had dealt with whistle blowers was not fit for purpose.

    He shared the frustration of the whistle blowers and felt that the process had let them down.

    There were issues to be addressed, maybe at a later date after receipt of the BIS report. He stated that Enterprise Solutions had behaved appallingly.

    So My Lordly I bet you can’t wait for “Highbrow” to produce his epic movie pointing out the untruths of that night that must now be ready to premier.

    As you can see the only person that must have read the reports and understood them was “Simon Kelly” and he would be a much more suitable person to be Mayor of Wirral and go and have a barbie with Her Majesty Queen of Australia.



    Ps So as you can see My L The Raving Loony Party is still going as councillor loony at the last meeting said it was the worst scandal he had seen in his forty years and did the biggest u turn up the Chief Execs backside known to man.

    Pps If you read the rest of the minutes on The Clowncil website you will see Gra Gra doesn’t like his circus and clowns being commented on on social media. ahh I don’t really like the bullshit they puts in the media like Stella. Don’t take it personally My hero.

    Luv you more than the number of sleeps Gra Gra has left XXXXXXXXXX. By the way that is about half the number of sleeps the poor tired old “Pretend Friend” will have.

    “Simon Kelly” for Mayor.

  2. G’day My L

    Did you have a look at the minutes of “Graham Burge(r with the lot plus super duper car and 7 mistakes http://goo.gl/znBccO in 29 seconds)ss’ farce of 8 October Special Fudge It and Risk It Meeting into Big, ISUS and Working Neighbourhoods?

    Councillor Loony was happy to accept the Chief Executives Report even though Gra Gra said numerous times he wasn’t there he wasn’t there he wasn’t there.

    Me thinks he is just taking The Don’s word for it.

    When he was there he was busy doing building renovations to show how he would be an ideal candidate if a housing makeover company was looking for someone in the know.

    I wonder who will pop up on that board when all that dosh comes up north?

    Some familiar names I would stake your left testicle on it My Lord.

    It says above Lordsville, Councillor Kelly commented that the Chief Executive had emphasised that he was satisfied with the honesty and integrity of officers, there was no conspiracy here but rather an issue of process.

    If this is the case then why does “Highbrow” have so many outstanding FOI’s that “Graham Burge(r with the lot plus super duper car and 7 mistakes http://goo.gl/znBccO in 29 seconds)ss’ could paper his first new home throughout. Or maybe his first street.

    Me thinks the process has not got any better in his tenure other than the process of having a dump in his gold plated dunny.

    I must go My Lord I am starting to fume over these specimens thinking of their poor families.



    Ps I’ve heard some of “Highbrows” tape of the untruths they told in public, you are cunning Gra Gra. i wasn’t there I wasn’t there. You may as well not have been!

    Luv you more than the speed of Councillor Loony’s turnaround from the worst scandal in his forty years to I am yours boss I’ll say anything you want me too. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
    Does your new company need any capitalist directors?

    Night night “Pretend Friend” it is lunchtime. ZZzzz

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