Imagine our delight at Leaky Towers when we discovered that last week’s Wirral News had not one,not two,not three but FOUR photos of Mayor Foulkesy .
This included the portrait attached to his yawn-inducing weekly column ,where for some strange reason , the Mayor’s Ball at Thornton Hall Hotel barely warranted a mention.
Can’t think why can you ?!……..
However we have to say that another highlight of the mayoral year has sadly not been reported locally.
This particular auspicious event was the Mayor and Mayoress’s attendance at a Royal Garden Party at Buckingham Palace in June just after Foulkesy’s triumphant inauguration.
Of course we don’t expect Foulksey to have the insight to question the savage irony of attending a Royal Garden Party and posting pictures on social networks of exclusive dining at Roux Parliament Square whilst at the same time championing foodbanks for the poor back on Wirral ……. well certainly not when there’s fawning and forelock tugging to be done and a day out in that there London impressing his fiancee.
Up until now we have been left to wonder as to what went on in the grounds of Buck House on that fateful day until our royal correspondent Si Coffant belatedly posted this eyewitness report:
Mayor Foulkesy and Mayoress,the Lovely Elaine were at the finger buffet when Foulksey dug his consort in the ribs and whispered: ” Hey Lainey isn’t that the one off the stamps and the coins and the telly on Christmas Day?…”
(The Lovely Elaine was preoccupied with a gobful of vol-au-vent but managed to nod in confirmation.) Foulkesy with his plate overloaded with fancy canapes bounded over the palace lawn,neatly dodging the corgis whilst rapidly being pursued by his consort:
Foulkesy : Hey! how ya diddlin’ Queen?.I’ve always wanted to say that ‘cos it’s funny as you is de actual Queen? Gerritt?!
Her Majesty: Yes,most amusing I’m sure…er,have you come far?
Foulkesy : Deffo – our Council Leader Pip Lad says I’m an inspiration as I rose from humble origins to be Mayor and first citizen of Wirral.
Her Majesty : Wirral? Do tell me- where is that exactly ? Is it part of the Commonwealth?
Foulkesy: More common than wealth ma’am
Her Majesty : So I see ….and yes I seem to have a faint recollection of Prince Philip and I receiving an apology from a Wirral Councillor by the name of let me see (rummages in handbag for letter ) Ah yes ,here it is … a Councillor by the name of Janette Willliamson who I understand made a rather vulgar and disrespectful remark about my dear husband ….. her apology reads as follows: “I would like to make a full and unreserved apology for my comments on Twitter.I appreciate the tone and content of the messages was completely inappropriate and would like to say sorry for any offence caused.I feel I have let myself and the Labour Party down and promise to learn from my mistake….”
Foulkesy: She was only jokin’ ya , your Maj – it’s just our cheeky northern humour …(rapidly changing subject) …..Anyway can I introduce you to me judy,only she’s not called Judy it’s da lovely Elaine
Her Majesty: Charmed I’m sure….and how did you meet?
Foulkesy: (rapidly changing subject again ) …. er,love da butties ma’am.Did ya make ’em yerself?.Dead posh…….look Lainey – no crusts
Her Majesty : No I have a man that makes all the necessary arrangements
Foulkesy : So do I – ‘is name’s George
Her Majesty : How delightful that’s the same name as my new great -grandson.
Foulkesy : Yeah and the similarities don’t end there Queen – our George is equally privileged, protected and always in da papers too.
The Lovely Elaine: Love your frock… is it from Marksy’s?
Her Majesty : (coughs)…It’s been a pleasure.However one must move on to meet one’s other guests (whispers to Lady In Waiting) …..call security.
And on a final note can we add that this weeks Mayor’s Diary throws up another cruel irony :
18th November 9.25 am – The Mayor will open Wirral’s Anti Bullying Conference at the Pilgrim Street Arts Centre, Birkenhead.
As Her Ladyship said whilst shaking her head in despair : ” Dearie me it’s like getting Harold Shipman to head up Age Concern….”