Wirral Leaks Advent Calendar – Carry On Cowboy

cowboy-_-Phil

Now we know that we deal in satire at Leaky Towers but there are times when Wirral Council is simply beyond parody.

Escaping the dreary weather and austerity,cuts,redundancies Council Leader Power Boy Pip , Kevin Addled and Paula Basket from Wirral Chamber of Commerce fly out to the bright lights – turning their attention from the east and head west – the wild west of Reno,Nevada to be precise in the hope of making twin town arrangements and establishing trade links.

See here

First of all we’re wondering as to what happened to wooing Chinese investors like Stella Shiu? Are we finally going to get an admission that chasing the Chinese dragon was a complete waste of time and money ?  However we do feel that this optimistic hook-up is a much more appropriate arrangement – involving as it does desperate gamblers from a cultural desert.

Needless to say we’ll be following this development closely especially when we read that during their transatlantic trip the trumped up trade delegation trio met with a character called Geno Martini from Reno’s neighbouring city of Sparks.

You really couldn’t make this shit up.

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9 thoughts on “Wirral Leaks Advent Calendar – Carry On Cowboy

  1. Xmas My Merry Lord (Shnot pissed)

    I can’t wait to start all this all over again for the benefit of the new CEO.

    Only 21 sleeps “Graham Burge(r with the lot plus super duper car and 7 mistakeshttp://goo.gl/znBccO in 29 seconds)ss’.

    I hope all those dirty little secrets, untruths and shite you have learned from your days in that den of inequity only come back to haunt you and no innocent bystanders.

    ADVENT CALENDAR DAY 7

    I was right into the reviews by now and every day was a new experience in cheating, inefficiency and chaos.

    I finished my first 16 reviews and I had to redo the early ones with no financials included and then lo and behold she told me what dates to put on them which I calculated she was correct, then she said re-write them with different dates and tear up the originals.

    She then came to me and said the original dates were correct.

    I re-wrote them again. Original signatures Pphh what are they?

    How did these people actually make it to the office let alone be given millions and millions of pounds to play with.

    Oh that’s right she was picked up by “The Scouse Scally in a suit” and driven in.

    As I was a tax auditor in Australia for fifteen years I thought I could help some clients in taxation matters.

    I asked the lead advisor “Cap backwards” tatts out if I could look at some files and he showed me one with part of a tax return in and it just did not make sense to me so I was suspicious.

    More later My L you won’t believe the TAX RETURN SCANDAL.

    ******BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS****

    Back to “Wirral Funny Bizz” tomorrow My Lovely.

    When I was saying the other day that 8 seemed to be Stella’s lucky number at the casino.

    You could not make this up My Hero, “Phil the Dill” “The Football Shirt” and “The Chamber Potty” off to the crime centre of the universe to see a bloke from ex-Liverpool in gaming machines.

    Who else was in that “Party” My regent were you there?

    I bet whoever it was it made “The Open” look like poker chips. On there own money. ha ha ha

    I bet there was someone from Uncle Joe’s gang and also take your pick from the photo’s of “The Chamber Pot” board members. You will only need one guess.

    “The Dunny Chain Wearer “ must have been fuming only to get to “Thornton Hall”. Which by the way I think was a casino when I was a teen. Not a boxing ring.

    Remember who’s watch the “Mob” from down Campelltown Road got away with the hundreds and hundreds of thousands of pounds of Wirral’s hard earned.

    I will remind you My Most Worshipful “Invest (In thyself) Wirral” headed up by “The Football Shirt” and “The Chamber Potty”, now known as “The Chamber Pot” that I blew the whistle to 108,345,600 seconds ago. 3 years 5 months and 5 days.

    Maybe just his reward whilst “He who can talk for twenty minutes without breathing” gets higher duties.

    It is all too much for me My Dear I am off.

    Ooroo

    James

    Ps Do you think they had a quickie whilst in Reno….I mean divorce you saucy minx.

    Luv you more My Majesty more than the amount of petty cash “The Chamber Potty” has in “The Chamber Pot” has to go away with the lads. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    How many punters are getting made redundant from “The Pot” to pay for this jolly? I bet none.

  2. Merry Xmas My Lord

    ADVENT CALENDAR DAY 8

    Lets not mention Graham Burge(r with the lot plus super duper car and 7 ”mistakeshttp://goo.gl/znBccO in 29 seconds)ss’ today because we all know “He wasn’t there” “He wasn’t there” “He wasn’t there”

    So what did he actually do when he was there?

    Apart from sucking up to his mates on that Improvement Board shit.

    Certainly not answer “Highbrows” Freedom of Information requests.

    And why would that be Gra Gra?

    You only have to keep schtum for 20 more sleeps or has “The Shyster” got you on a keep your gob shut order as well?

    Shall we My Lordly focus on who was there.

    Today’s Echo…how does she have the nerve to speak up in public after wanting “Wirral Funny Bizz” closing down after I blew the whistle three and a half years ago and she knew damn well “Highbrow” had all the proof of wastage and criminality.

    She was told to keep her gob shut and they continued to pay “Wirral Funny Biz” until December of the following year. Yep eighteen more months. How did she live with herself?

    What an example to set for the “Chamber Pot” employees to look up to and respect. Not.

    Outrageous!

    The Echo.

    ” Wirral Chamber of Commerce chief executive Paula Basnett said, “One of the key chamber objectives is to encourage the growth of new or young enterprises in the borough and, as such, we are working closing with the Start-Up Loans Company as one of only three official delivery partners in the Liverpool city region.

    “Through this initiative we offer support in developing business plans, offering expert mentoring guidance and providing low interest loans which can help to either kick-start a new business or to help enterprises, up to 24 months old, move forward to their next expansion phase.

    Sounds very like “Wirral Funny Bizz” kind of operation.

    All sounds hunky dory in that ridiculous rag that “The Dunny Chain Wearer” usually tells the tweed jacket what to write but what happens if things go awry again does she “person up” or does she do as he tells her again?

    Well My Lovely I think the best answer to this dilemma would be for THE KITCHEN CABINET next week at their Special Meeting to decide to clean up this whole issue before Xmas once and for all by doing the right thing by all concerned.

    We can then all go away and get on with it.

    It would be appropriate at next weeks meeting as in THE KITCHEN CABINET is the man who help fight our fight at the outset of the battle when “The Football Shirt” plotted with “The Auditor” and “The Shyster” to stymie us.

    That man to his credit was appalled when “Highbrow” told him the story, as would any decent person, and as was his wife who was there in the club at the time, and who just happens to be in that CABINET as well.

    So “Pretend Friend” and your long suffering you can finish what you started on behalf of your “Real Friend” “Highbrow” and justify why you got them to spend £50,000.00 on Grant Thornton.

    If he was to do that my L I would support his nomination as Mayor for I think a hat-trick the year after Simon (Ned) Kelly.

    Ooroo

    James

    Ps Can’t get you a present this year My Lovely still no work.

    Luv you more than the number of people “The Shyster” has told to keep their gobs shut. XXXX

  3. Bloody Line Dancer! Good bloody grief. Well if he ever tips up here, taps on my door singing Achy Breaky Heart, I’ll tell him, ”clear off and take your bloody lariat with you’. Whatsmore, I’ll tell him, ‘this is a good home. A family home who diligently recycle their rubbish and I’ll be damned if I watch you slither back and forth on bloody sawdust. Be gone!’
    And that’s the way to deal with them. I had bloody Burgess around here the other day. I was laid in bed nibbling on a half kilo of Pork Rind and swigging back me ale when all of a sudden I heard a strange humming coming from the attic. I said to her, my wife of forty years, ‘ did you invite the Mael twins into our attic’? Course she hadn’t, explaining, ‘not today’, which left me with only one conclusion. Bloody Burgess was in me bloody loft humming, ‘This Town Ain’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us.
    I got out of bed and yelled, ‘out you come Burgess. You rotter and stinker. You’ll find no sunbed up there thank you very much.’ And out he came howling, ‘I do not use a sunbed. I demand you retract that allegation’. I told him, ‘you are a sunbed user and I’ll be bloody Damned if I retract my allegation. Clear off back to the Wirral and when you do return to the bed beneath the tanning tubes of light, wear your bloody protective goggles because you Sir do not wear your goggles.
    Course, he gets all angry doesn’t he. No matter that he’s been found hiding in my loft and disturbed my evening watching Wrestlemania. In a pique of fury, he screams, ‘what’s wrong with my tan?’. I said, ‘there’s nothing wrong with your tan. As soon as you emerged from my loft, I thought to myself, ‘that’s a lovely tan. It’s a lovely tan and you’d be an odd sort of Chubb if one argued otherwise. You, Burgess, have a lovely tan. My problem is you have no white rings around your eye sockets which prove to me that you ain’t wearing your protective goggles’.

  4. G’day Lordly

    Had to write to you My L my sides are hurting so much after a phone call from “Highbrow” after he was on a bus talking to a neighbour about the Clowncil.

    Some people butted in and said that they work there (well until they don’t, any second probably) and said that everyone there thinks that “The Football Shirt” and Graham Burge(r with the lot plus super duper car and 7 ”mistakeshttp://goo.gl/znBccO in 29 seconds)ss are liars.

    Their words.

    The good news for you My Lovely is that “Highbrow” converted them to your site.

    Ooroo

    James

    Ps Luv you more than the hours that “The Chamber Potty” and “The Football Shirt” spent in the casino together whilst “Phil the Dill” practised his maiden speech for the The House in the mirror in his single room with his photo of his boss “The Dunny Chain Wearer” as his audience. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  5. Yep it does seem pretty universal that town hall staff cant read Mr Burgess’s emails about fostering business start-ups an all without bursting into derisive laughter.
    It does not abate their jollity any to know that he tans his hide whilst not wearing goggles nor that he is proud to be associated with one of the many ERDF fiascos that James has quoted. It is all true it was in the Daily Telegraph just as James was meeting Mrs Basnett and Mr Adderley.

    Methinks the £50,000 Grant Thornton investigation was not of their goodwill but rather forced upon them , and that goes for their supposed freewill reference to the BIS. Mrs Margaret Hodge MP and Mr Pickles (July 2011 He was promising to tighten up ERDF procedures) were interested in the wirral sideshow SO NO CREDIT to any one of the Wirral lot!!!

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