Let’s get the credits rolling first. Thank you once again John Brace for sharing your video of last night’s Wirral Council’s Standards & Constitutional Committee meeting which proves once again that old adage that the camera never lies even though some of those being filmed do!.
Now if your idea of fun is watching someone picking their teeth, gurning and looking generally befuddled for 40 minutes we recommend you keep your eye on Committee chair Cllr Bill Davies – “standards” don’t even come into it !.
Her Ladyship turned her head away from the screen and cried despairingly : “Oh for goodness sake get that man a toothpick and some lessons in etiquette.What is it with local councillors called Davies ? – they appear to be social disgraces unacquainted with the social graces”
However knowing what we know of standards and conduct issues lurking behind the scenes we were looking forward to a thrilling show.Imagine our disappointment to witness some well rehearsed routines with Cllr Chris Blakeley as the bulldog chewing a wasp and Matron McLaughlin playing the diva – the latter declaring an interest during a discussion about how standards complaints are dealt with or more accurately not dealt with by the Council and flouncing out of the meeting.” That’s the first time I’ve ever known the Matron take an interest in standards ” meowed Her Ladyship.
Meanwhile Super Duper Director Joe “Bless” Blott issued a grovelling apology about his “summary failure” to address a Standards complaint that still hadn’t been resolved after 12 months. We actually have a smidgeon of sympathy for the hapless patsy – as we well know that delays such as this are not always the doing of officers wanting to keep conduct complaints a “live issue” but of councilllors wanting complaints about themselves to be dead and buried !.
However we have no sympathy whatsoever for Surjit “Job for Life” Tour who really does seem to have thrown himself wholeheartedly into his new role as senior Town Hall apologist.
At about 5 minutes in on the video clip Tour proves to be (ef)-fluent in bullshit with talk of “context” and “turning the corner” and how the case being discussed was “a slight blip”.
A slight blip – ?. Well there’s a leading contender for “Understatement of the Year” at the Leaky Awards 2015 – which will be like the Local Government Chronicle Awards without the deals done behind closed doors,the corporate crap and the self-delusion.
The double bind symbiotic relationship that Tour now seems to have with senior Wirral councillors is morbidly fascinating to watch but then it seems to us that a designated parking space and a personalised numberplate must be some compensation for having to live in Wolverhampton!.
Now if we’ve learned anything from recent history at Wirral Council it is that senior councillors will discard their officers like a ciggie butt out the back of Wallasey Town Hall if they don’t do as their told.So we’ll just wait and see how long the strange arrangement lasts if Tour fails to do his bit to ensure that the conduct of certain councillors remains forever hidden from public scrutiny………………….
You are so right about Sir Git being the apologist.
He is the the answer to the thousands and thousands of times “Ankles” before he became “Dunny Chain Wearer” said we have less to learn lessons to learn lessons to learn at “Crapapple’s” Fudge It and Risk It Mis-Management Committee.
One of the answers is set up a fraud reporting line but forget to man/woman it.
The only reason “The Shyster” can get away with this crap and bullshit is because he hasn’t clashed with anyone as smart as “Highbrow” since Wirral “Funny” Bizz, Big, ISUS and Working Neighbourhoods.
Sshh don’t mention the disgrace of AdderleyDadderleyDooLally and Lockwood/Harbac.
They possibly haven’t removed the football shirt with his name on the back ‘LIAR’ from his office yet.
“Shys…” me old mate you can’t move on till you fix Wirral “Funny” Bizz and Wirralgate.
Luv ya Lordsy as much as the crud in Uncle Bill’s teeth.
Her Ladyship has an eye for the absurdity and I like that. Yes, contained within this mind numbingly, boring, tedious, ‘take me Jesus I’m ready’, pointless and very dull gathering of the great and the good that our John Brace has captured on his film, you the viewer can either ignore the facial mannerisms of Bill and pull out a small pocket Derringer secreted beneath a vest or a flimsy skirt, stand up and blow your brains out screaming, ‘ enough. I want to die’ and end your personal ordeal, or you can do as I did and sit back cognisant that bugger all worth listening to will reach your ears and simply delight in a Gurning performance that wouldn’t have been out of place in the annual Egremont Crab Fair held in Cumbria who’s task it is to crown the years greatest Gurner.
From what I can understand, the training of the Gurner begins shortly after Pan Cake Day in preparation for the competition event that takes place sometime in September. Sadly for Bill, who finished seventh this year, for the third time this decade, he’s obviously still trying to bring his jaw, both upper and lower back to a state of stillness and inactivity following the intense Gurning training programme that Bill has subjected himself to in order to be crowned the Egremont Crab Fair champion.
It’s my educated guess, his jaw bones, again both upper and lower, though I accept the lower jaw bone is more problematic than the upper one, are simply trying to leave competition mode and ready themselves for a bit of normality before the whole thing starts again in 2016.
Course, I could be completely wrong. It could easily be that Bill has been chewing on the arse end of a kilo of pork rind harvested from a recently slaughtered Razorback Suckling Sow and he’s got a particularly tough piece of scratching stuck and jammed solid beneath his jaw bones.
Whatever the reason, it’s a wonderful view and brings back wonderful memories of Les Dawson. Watch the film readers. It’s brilliant.
What is this? a Soviet plenary commission to investigate whether Comrade Stalin farted at the state banquet and whether it did not smell, with the obvious decision that any smell was of roses.
And with comrade Davies clearly picking out the remnants of the duck, turkey , beef and lobster from his teeth.
Hideous. No other word.
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