Infamously Wallasey Town Hall was once described in a damning report as a place where the abnormal is normal.
Well it would appear that in yet another case of you-couldn’t-make-this-shit-up that there will be a Wallasey Town Hall Ghost Hunt held next month where the abnormal is now paranormal .
Yes – apparently there will be a Paranormal Team on hand at the event and guests are encouraged but not forced to participate in “experiments ” which include:-
Vigils and seances in your groups – this will be very familiar to a lot of people already as let’s face it trying to get a response from Wirral Council on some issues is like trying to commune with the dead. So save yourself from making a time consuming Freedom of Information request – join hands , close your eyes and chant : ” Eric can you hear me ? …..is that you Eric ?…….Eric you’re very faint …….what’s that you say ?……you want to apply an exemption and can’t be full and frank with the living ?…..”
Table tipping – we assume this must mean getting rid of all those excess desks floating like ghosts round Wallasey Town Hall following the arrival of shiny new office furniture earlier this year
Ouija board and glass divination (both optional) – Watch as the powers of darkness spell out W-I-R-R-A-L-G-A-T-E
Lone vigils (optional) – This will be for all the Wirral Council whistleblowers sent to Coventry or Occupational Health or the dole queue . Remember this is optional – the option being to keep your mouth shut and your head down.
Human pendulam (sic) – As we all know a pendulum is a body suspended from a fixed support so that it swings freely back and forth under the influence of gravity. We’re guessing that a human pendulum at Wallasey Town Hall consists of senior managers swinging freely back and forth under the influence of those who have power in the hope that they’re not the latest human sacrifice tossed into the gutter once they’ve served their purpose.
Full use of equipment throughout the night including K2 metres, hand-held thermometres (sic) and voice recorders – Sssssssh! – we don’t know what the first two are for but if there’s one thing that will scare some councillors more than anything at Wallasey Town Hall it’s the use of voice recorders!!!.
G’day The Lord of Leaksville Towers
They should, and, do deserve to be haunted for the rest of their natural (ha ha ha ha ha) lives if
They voted to close Lyndale
They voted to close Girtrell Court
They have been in the conspiracy of silence over Wirral “Funny” Bizz for the five years
They are involved in Wirralgate
C’mon Ecca, The Blinking CEO if you are still hiding under your desk knock once, if you are not (knock twice) do some effing thing about your scum bag leader and his gang of crud.
Luv to see your ghouls Lordsville XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Wallasey Town Hall Ghost Hunt
An any-daytime vigil with a real challenge. If you are squeamish walk away now.
The Mission (Impossible) – to find evidence of any remotely normal activities in Wirral Council’s corridors of power. (Bring a flask)
Taken through a portal by a dispirited guide, there may be a very brief encounter with a Chief Exectoplasm kept behind locked doors by the ‘Leader of the Sheep’. It is he who never appears during daylight hours. It is also rumoured that monthly pay cheques are sent to a ‘guardian’ somewhere beyond the borough boundaries for safe-keeping.
A reclusive ‘Searchit Tour’ guide will take everyone through the blacked out corridors of the Freedom of Information archive. At any time it is said to be possible to hear the endless screams of Freedom of Information requests being redacted and abused by ruthless reliance on Sections of this Act. This is an endless Tour and requires exceptional qualities of perseverance from participants – if you are allergic to black marker pen, then this is probably not for you.
‘Welcome to the Blunderdome’ – visitors are not in with a ghost of a chance of seeing anything of a small soundproof chamber where two men enter, but only one man leaves with a 6 figure pay out! Definitely limited to a selected few, but is in no way a spectator sport. On these not-so-rare occasions a specially chartered Wirral Council gravy train will provide transport to utopia (or Wirral Chamber of Commerce as it is now known).
Knowledge is power, not to be confused with visions, but as Frankie says…‘relax’…but be afraid!
I’m loving your work Tiffany. Definitely has to have been an insider at some point.
John “Tarrantino” Brace informs us that “The Pretend Friend” has stepped down from the “Kitchen Cabinet”.
Wonderful news for the good people of wirral.
He is the vile specimen that led his ‘mate’ “Highbrow” Hobro up the garden path for five years, lying and giving him false hope of truth, honour and the British way and all he delivered was lies and bullshit.
The man is a revolting cretin feigning friendship for his measly allowance.
How many people has he stabbed in the back?
We can only hope and pray for karma.
To do that to a mate is treachery, betrayal, disloyalty, perfidy, perfidiousness, faithlessness, unfaithfulness, infidelity, bad faith, breach of trust, duplicity, deceit, deceitfulness, deception, false-heartedness, falseness, stab in the back, back-stabbing, double-dealing.
And they are his better attributes Leaksy.
May he rot on the back benches of wirral clownhall.
Luv ya Lordy for not being anything like him XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Well for a starters you can forget the bloody Ouija Board. Me and the lads gather together thrice monthly in the Ring ‘o’ Bells desperately trying to reach across the great divide and have a chat with the old WBC Clerk Of Works in an effort to find out what went bloody wrong and how to fix things and quite frankly, employing the Ouija Board has been a complete waste of time.
Every bloody time you get Andrew ‘Sandy’ Irvine shovelling out the message, ‘lads I’m from the Wirral. Me corpse is on the North West Ridge of Everest. Come and find me’. Course, I tell him, ‘we all know where you are Sandy. You’ve told us enough times. We ain’t deserting our families, funding the bloody venture, trekking half way across the globe, climbing bloody Everest just to find you and bring you home to the Wirral. Now clear off. This is Council business and you’re clogging up the line.’
Course, he can still get a bit feisty despite the passage of time. It’s usually, ‘bloody George Mallory. Teachers bloody pet. It’s high times for him isn’t it. Body bloody recovered, returned home for a decent Christian burial while I’m stuck up here on the North West ridge.’ I’ve told him, ‘unless you’ve befriended an old Wirral Council employee up there in heaven who knows stuff that’d help the cause, fuck off and end this pointless display of your supernatural powers and put me down. I’ve no wish to be levitated eight foot up high floating around the Ale House disrupting the Pub Quiz’.
I’m thinking the same Ste. Ghoulishly insightful stuff. She could be a wraith or a spectre, not of this earth. Corporeal forms like you and I would need to join hands around an oaken table to receive messages from those who have passed into the void under a compromise agreement.
But Tiffany doesn’t need to I feel.