Good News


Her Ladyship and I were sitting round the fire , basking in the homely glory of autumn, perusing the Sunday papers and musing that Donald Trump et al would fit in well at Wirral Council.

It made us wish for the usual bread and circuses to distract us from the fact that the world seems to be run by sociopaths.

Then fortunately Verity reminded us that good news is on the way . And the name of that good news is ” Wirral Today”.

We guarantee there will be no bad news to be had in Wirral Council’s propaganda sheet “Wirral Today” . There is no doubt it will be shiny, bright and full of glorious bullshit.

But suddenly we thought to ourselves where did the inspired title come from after the gormless gits at Wirral Council realised they couldn’t use ” Wirral Life” as a) it’s already taken by a minor local publication and b) it’s an oxymoron ?.

Could it be that provincial,third rate , Floridean failure Martin Liptrot (aka Liptrotsky) thought up the newspaper title as a tribute to his role model –  the original political editor of the failed tabloid “Today” and Machiavellian par excellence , Alastair Campbell ?.

This newspaper’s motto was “propa truth, not propaganda”.

Illiterate,deceitful and tacky – Wirral Today has found its template.

Let’s hope it meets the same fate.


2 thoughts on “Good News

  1. And it’s sure to be a Halleluzah moment upon the good old Wirral. Lads, good lads who hitherto had normally gathered together in Ale Houses talking gibberish disclosing who’d they’d like to kiss or get pregnant will, very very soon become deeply engrossed reading this latest slither of glad tidings rather than doing as they usually do, supping ale and wondering when the agony of waking up every morning will end their misery.
    It’ll go one of two ways. When it’s shoved through your letter box the entirely family will howl, ‘turn the fucking tele off, put the ferrets back in their cage and let’s huddle together as good close families do and read with delight the highlight of our lunar bloody month and digest the content of Wirral Today’ or, ‘nail the letter box shut, chase the fella who’s delivered this rancid, undiluted pigswill across our threshold and beat them badly with this piece of four by two’.
    As we speak, quietly and without fuss, a paper sift is being carried out to unearth and identify who within the Council ranks might be capable of writing a positive piece of news that explains why wasting three million quid on a badly procured IT project can be spun to say, ‘we managed to avoid wasting five million quid’. And if some oily, keen to please, I’ve had a full frontal lobotomy underling doesn’t quite qualify to write the big stuff, then they’ll probably get slotted in to cover the stuff that’ll really excite our senses. An organised Litter PIck involving several Councillors, cutting the ribbon of some pointless thing or place that they’ve yet to outsource, the sixtieth anniversary of a lovely ageing couple who couldn’t summon up the strength to say, ‘fuck off. Leave us be. We don’t want to be photographed alongside some grinning, happy clappy Council suit who barged his way into our lives because Page Two needed a humanistic tale of happiness and love that somehow or bloody other the Council could lay claim to being associated with.

  2. I’m hopeful that this FOI request can stop Frank – sorry, Wirral Today – in its tracks:

    It’s now being appealed to the Information Commissioner, so come spring 2017 we’ll finally be in position to wait around for another two years until it eventually staggers into the First Tier Tribunal.

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