First Glance at Wirral View

With very little fanfare and much controversy we’d like to warn our readers that the first edition of Wirral View will be dropping through their letterboxes any time now.The online edition is posted above. However we’ll be waiting for the paper edition before we deliver our full Wirral View review.

And yes it would appear that Wirral Council have finally decided on a title – it is definitely Wirral View . From what we can see it is very much as we all predicted with news of a River Mersey firework display providing the the bread and circuses front page (the bread bit being the foodbank news on page 26).

Wirral Council’s alleged No.1 priority is relegated to page three. The article on the damning Ofsted Inspection report is given more spin than Rapunzel on speed and has the title ” Children’s services to get major investment” !. Which we suspect will be the distorted shape of things to come.

We have to say Wirral View appears to be very slick and like an oil spill will soon be everywhere and unwanted. There are shiny ,happy people on every page.  A smile is obviously compulsory. In fact – even the bloody pumpkins on page 2 are smiling. The only person not smiling is the unemployed person in her beautifully appointed home on page 28 – although she looks more as though she’s online shopping at Waitrose and she’s disappointed they’re all out of quinoa.

However only time will tell whether , in the words of Martin Liptrot , sorry Councillor leader Phil ” Power Boy Pip”  Davies’ that  – “Hopefully , Wirral View will become a welcome guest in your homes” or it will be Exhibit A in an expensive legal dispute. All we do know for now is that we’re breathless with anticipation for the print edition to arrive as after we’ve given it the once over we can line our cat’s litter tray with the free newspaper that we all somehow pay for!……

 

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14 thoughts on “First Glance at Wirral View

    • G’day Paul

      Obviously to explain to “Sir Git”, “The Shyster” about law 101.

      Ooroo

      James

      They could use someone to teach them about what a public servant is supposed to do.

      And possibly a fitness trainer to get their shirt collars under 25 inches.

      Also a priest for confessions particularly those that cheat away from home.

  1. What the people of the Wirral need is a completely pointless and worthless futile gesture that’d make the editorial team of this undiluted bag of rats bollocks feel compelled to report accurately upon instead of the inevitable shiny happy clappy, ain’t it sweet and lovely excrement that they’re about to churn out and deliver to your weary tired eyes via your bloody letterbox. Something so futile and utterly pointless that’d halt them in their tracks and realise that this, this Wirral Vew, is not what the people yearn for.
    Oh I know nobody takes any notice of me. I know what’s being said. I hear the talk in the Ale Houses.I know full well that the readers of the mighty Leaks are all bloody wrapped up in the missives of our dear Leaks Doctor Smith and, just as good, the most recent and latest sane and intelligent poster bloody clever clogs Typhany, but, and this is the thing, they’re the purveyors of sound, well thought out, cleverly crafted thoughts that don’t actually get the problem sorted. Whereas, me and other equally bewildered gibbering idiotic contributors, they can offer up practical solutions to the abnormality that’s about to become aggravated by Wirral View.
    And so, back to me bloody point. What we now need is this futile gesture. And so I’m now advocating that someone amongst our ranks step forward and become a jumper! That’s right! A jumper. A man or a woman, both sexes are equally capable of jumping, scale a high,public building and having the first edition of Wirral View tucked inside their sleeve, they jump to their death howling, ‘ I only jumped because I couldn’t stand the idea that a second edition would get posted though my letterbox.
    Course, that’s a lot to say as you accept the forces of gravity and plummet to your death, so, just in case the fool hits the ground before they got to the bit about the second edition, I’d suggest that the jumper has the whole protest written statement stapled to a prominent outer garment so that the whole futile gesture is accurately reported upon.

      • G’day Leaks

        Does this mean there is going to be a rematch of “Ankles” the ex “Dunny Chain Wearers” brawl at the Charity Ball at the Hall?

        Will he be taking on a man this time round?

        Ooroo

        James

        Does this also mean the Floral pavilion is going to be mulched by that ex great “Crapapple”?

        Can you be my escort darling Leaksville? XXXXXXXX

  2. I bet Liptrot left Big Dirty Tobacco all smug, clutching his bag of cash dripping blood thinking “Sheesh! What a ball breaker that was … a board of execs who wanted me to poison the bodies and blacken the lungs of third world innocents – who don’t know any better – and make their short lives even shorter!”…

    ….an even stinkinger turd with a big “W” stamped on it, would drop, steaming, into his in tray.

    What a fantastic opportunity it is for us to give these mercenary PR phoneys our “Wirral View”.

  3. As predicted shiny happy people on every page.
    Tinted spectacles on every page look forward to getting the kids of to sleep with these fairy dust tales cheers Philly boy.

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