Chamber of Horrors

 

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As we’re still waiting the arrival of Wirral View  we had to console ourselves with the cut out and keep Wirral Chamber of Commerce supplement in this week’s Wirral Globe.

Blimey! – there’s Paula rockin’ the tan enhancing white outfit again . You can sense the middle aged desperation from here. Then there’s some hapless handsome chappy roped in for publicity purposes and Kevin “Addled” Adderley giving us his best death stare. Get over it Kev – Emma never loved you. Either get some counselling or console yourself with the fact you screwed Wirral Council for a bit fat cheque and even as a desperate hasbeen you can still have a sly fag out the back of Egerton House.

We also get the announcement that the Business Improvement District (BID) managed by Wirral Chamber of Commerce won the Place Marketing – Small Location in the BID Awards 2016. Apparently this was due to July’s inaugural ‘Be in Birkenhead Summer Festival’ held in Hamilton Square. Jeezus – there must be so many places on earth that someone would  want to spend summer other than Birkenhead . As Her Ladyship said : ” Book me a flight to Kabul, Aleppo, the Death Valley. Anywhere but bloody Birkenhead in summer “.

No doubt the special attractions of the Birkenhead Summer Festival featured the ‘Smack Shack’ , the ‘Methadone Marquee’ and the ‘Heroin Haven’. They must have come in droves.

After being privy to this good news we are also treated to a list of forthcoming events at  ‘The Lauries Centre’ – which has also now been annexed by the Wirral Chamber of Commerce.

At which point we hand over to one of our many insightful contributors who says :

I see that WBC have picked up an award for ‘Birkenhead First’, a recent regeneration scheme. I mean, do me a favour! What regeneration is this? Each day Birkenhead fills with more homeless beggars, more junkies using Hamilton Square as a toilet, more shops shuttered up, more piles of rubbish in the overpriced car parks in Grange Rd West, more public drinking along Borough Rd. And that’s not to mention the row of boarded up shops which have been there longer than my memory. Charing Cross is a delightful place now it has been regenerated, the boarded up pubs, the all night kebab shops and drinking dens, the crowds of morons spoiling for a fight…a true tourists delight. Did the 6,500 extra visitors enjoy their experience? How does this council get an award for all this?

To which we replied :We think it must be a misprint and the award was for DE- generation.

Our correspondent responded : And now the Wine Lodge is up for sale, I bet that gets boarded up after Xmas. WBC could offer tours to firms of boarder uppers to show them how to shut down and board up an entire town, Charing Cross, the centre of old Birkenhead. I remember the xmas tree on the roundabout as was. Look at it now, criminal……….

Over to you Paula  “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas” Basnett – will you be ordering a double Aussie White from Yatesy’s as a bit of Christmas cheer?. We suspect only if someone else is buying and preferably someone with a big chequebook from Wirral Council!.

 

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Chamber of Horrors

  1. Kev’s putting on the timber I see. His clobber must stink all them ciggies he gets down him. Did any of his regeneration ideas ever come to fruition? The only reason he’s at the Chamber is because he knows where all the bodies are buried not because he’s any fuckin good!

  2. Oh Lordy

    Does she who is “The Chamber Potty” have tickets on herself or what?

    Why on 5 July 2011 agree with all my whistle blowing and add more to my locker than I already knew and ……………………..

    Five and a half years later she has not spoken up….why?

    Is it him of LEP notoriety or is it the stinking ashtray that is him of Lockwood/Harbac fame?

    Ooroo

    James

    I hope they do some more photo shoots soon I have half finished dunny wall of her.

    Luv you and Her Ladyship so much more than the lady in question.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  3. I always considered myself to be a strong resilient character not easily dominated. That all changed after I enlarged the image, gazed into Kevin’s eyes and allowed my inner self to sink further and deeper into his deadly death stare, in what was an attempt to understand the nature of the fella.
    Fool me! As far as I can recall,I was awoken from my hypnotic trance, after my tormentor of forty two years was good and kind enough to belt me in the face with the larger of her three frying pans, screaming, ‘ look away fatso. You’ve been dominated’. Apparently, and she recorded notes of my encounter with this dreadful entity, I began to rock back and forth gibbering in biblical ancient tongues howling, ‘I am dominated Kevin. Your wish is my command’.
    Problem now is I know beyond any doubt he dominated me throughout my encounter with his deadly hypnotic death stare. And I know that he’s planted an instruction within my head that I must obey. But, for the life of me, his bloody unholy subliminal instruction is now secreted deep inside and I can’t find it.
    Course, cognisant that I was dominated, I know that at some time, probably at some highly inconvenient point, he’s going to fire me brain up, send me the instruction and I’m going to have to do it. God only knows what the barstard has told me to do.
    Could be anything! Whatsmore, if this fella is reading this, and he probably will, I reckon they all do at WBC, I’d like him to tell me what it is I’m going to be compelled to do. He can forget me money. She, the one who hit me in the face with the frying pan, has taken care of that and the cash is now beyond my reach. It’s the other stuff and possibilities I’m worried about. Beating myself up. Worse, jumping off a high public building or something dreadfully humiliating.
    Any ways, to those of you reading this, and God only knows why you would, take heed of my experience. Don’t gaze into Kevin’s deadly dominating death stare.

    • G’day Bobster

      I had the pleasure on 5 July 2011 of sitting listening to his bullshit about what a great auditor he was and lying like a screaming banshee about Big recipients for about 2 hours.

      Then he took me to the front verandah so he could have a smoke.

      Not Bobby whilst sitting round his camp fire but underneath his ridiculously childish footie shirt with his name on the back “Stinking Ashtray”.

      He forgot to mention that not only had Lockwood gone kaput but that he knew of the criminal asset stripping and didn’t do anything unless he sent smoke signals to the liquidator.

      He and his “Chamber Potty” should be ran out of the “Pot” down at Kev and Stella’s Stinking Stagnant Wirral Waters quicker than “Phil the Very Very Deluded Dill” can get back to Reno with… shit his name slips my mind, ask “Highbrow”.

      Ooroo

      James

      They are made for each other the perfect couple.

      Luv ya L glad you don’t smoke XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  4. Another surprise in the ‘Chamber – “lets fool the public” newsheet was Asif Hamid (he of the Contact Company) who is up for another award! Must be great sitting on the Chamber’s Board (as he does) deciding to nominate yourself for an award….I would have thought he, Basnett and Adderley would have spent their time on gloating about the huge sums of taxpayers money they have ‘obtained’ over the years…..bet their Christmas party is a wowser!! (probably be held in Birkenhead with the homeless, or do they just walk past these unfortunate people?

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