A Leaky Christmas


Our Christmas message for Wirral Council and their favoured ‘stakeholders’

Best wishes to all our readers from everyone at Leaky Towers.

Watch out for some belated Christmas presents early next year as some long running Wirral Leaks stories finally come to a head . We anticipate that some of our most prominent public servants will be shown to have been very naughty indeed………….

13 thoughts on “A Leaky Christmas

  1. They’re good lads. Loyal lads who, if I told them so, they’d do it, and anything else I asked of them without a moments hesitation just to simply please me and win my favour. Mind, they’ve no imagination. They’ve tiny minds, which is why I, rather than they, rose to the top of the pile of our Ale House gathering of Wirral Leaks readers.
    We’d supped our fourteenth pint, exhausted the usual chat of who we’d like to get pregnant, and not, under any known circumstances be held to account regarding the unfortunate outcome of this brief sexual encounter, when I said to the lads, ‘lads, I want you to huddle together, gibber on and come up with the worst bloody thing possible that Martin Liptrot and Kevin Macullum could do to you this bloody Christmas. Use all your powers of imagination and come up with a devilish something that this pair of toss pots could do to us on behalf of their masters the bloody Council’.
    Anyway, after some ten minutes of me perusing the pointlessness of the latest edition of Wirral View, the lads returned, informing me that they’d come up with something truly dreadfully evil that was probably the worst bloody thing that this pair of sycophantic, literary lightweight thinkers could possibly do to us for Christmas.
    They told me, ‘we’re all in the Ale House Bobby. We’ve supped about twenty pint when we all decide to leave, cross the road and, driven by a deep and needful sexual craving to watch the goings on in the Cemetry where the local Dogging Association were congregating, and whilst minding our own bloody business, we began to cross the road hoping our own wives hadn’t joined this debauched group of Satans Handmaidens, the Wirral Whores, when, all of a sudden, bloody Liptrott and Macullum had just nicked a thirty tonne fully laden, triple axle Concrete Mixer that came hurtling down the road and with deadly intent and bloody malice a fore thought, drove into us, deliberately flattened us and killed us all stone bloody dead out of bloody spite’.
    I said,’is that it. Is that the bloody worst you can come up with. Bloody Liptrot and Macullum nick a bloody Concrete Mixer and kill us all. Is that the best you can do?. Goodness me’, I lamented, ‘you lads have got no imagination’.Course, the lads had done their best but as I told them, getting flattened by a fully laden Concrete Mixer by Liptrot and Macullum is nothing as compared to what I’d thought up.
    I told them, I’m in bed, the clock strikes midnight when all of a sudden there’s a strange air of impending doom. I suddenly become overwhelmed by a deep irrational fear that two men are hiding in my attic. I don’t know what to do. Clutching at the duvet, aimless threads of terrifying thoughts go racing through my head as I contemplate what it is that’s going to happen to me, when suddenly, the room becomes chilled by a deathly horrifyingly satanic freezing bloody cold phenomenon that’s makes me howl, ‘Christ it’s cold. I’m bloody freezing’, and all of a sudden, dozens of copies of the Wirral View begin to drop from the ceiling and then, as my eyes begin to bulge from their sunken sockets, the bloody attic hatch comes off and bloody Liptrot and Macullum come hurtling into the room howling, ‘you’ve fucking had this coming you fat baldy twat’.
    Course, the lads become frightened don’t they. Bloody Liptrot and bloody Macullum appearing in your room in the dead of night would frighten anybody wouldn’t it. ‘What happens Bobby. Tell us what happens’, they beg. I tell them, ‘ what bloody ever they do to me and it’ll be pretty bloody bad you can be certain of that, it’s a whole lot bloody worse than getting flattened by a Concrete Mixer’

  2. Wirral councillors,stakeholders and senior officers being naughty-I don’t believe it! Well actually I do and long to see karma kicking in,and see these creeps get their comeuppance especially the ones who have committed offences-When will Commissioner ‘Gordon’ instruct the police to investigate? Or do we have to wait till Private Eye blows the gaff!

    • Colin, the very thing I’ve been on about. Imagination! Having read your personal well thought out offering to the literary world of insults, I have to say, though it’s clear you’ve slaved over its construction, it really does lack any depth and meaningful hurt. Whilst it may help you get by beneath the umbrella of public service, where your particular insult would receive loud applause and gratitude, it doesn’t work on here.
      That said, inviting his Lordship to violate himself is a start and one which you could improve upon if only you had an imagination.

  3. Hello Wirral Leaks

    Why would Colin Edge put a hashtag in the word ‘kn#bhead’?

    That’s the sort of thing you do when you are actually a knobhead.

  4. G’day Leaks

    Just a reminder to “Phil the Slimey, Elusive, Creepy, Cruddish, and Very Very Very Very Deluded Dill” you said publicly at the last full clowncil farce of a meeting that you would reply to “Highbrow”.

    Get ya finger out of ya fat hairy arse, that’s nearly as big as Tours, and do it you peanut or I will tell Ecca the Blinking CEO. (Cruddish Effluent Officer)

    I need a laugh after a miserable Xmas.

    Hope yours was worse I’m off to a funeral tomorrow in St Andrews.




  5. G’day Leaks


    2017 the year wirral will finally fall on its sword.

    I bet Leaksville, “Phil the Very Very Very Very Slimy, Elusive and Deluded Dill” has started the New Year the way he finished the last six or seven by not writing to “Highbrow” about his question at the full clowncil meeting of 19 December.

    When you mix with cheats and liars……………

    Brighton Street has more than its share








    Et al



    Looking forward to this years insulting of them as Ecca is showing he is as impotent business wise as what they paid £250,00.00 a year for.


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