His Lordship Makes An Announcement

Citizen-Leaks

Live from Leaky Towers we proudly present an important  press statement from His Lordship :

‘After serious consideration and stumping up the £500 election deposit by selling some of the family silver I have resolved to stand as the Leaky Party candidate at the next General Election.

Of course this will mean I will have to relinquish my title and forego the afternoon snoozes in the House of Lords – not to mention the expenses.

Newly appointed Wirral Leaks Press Officer Ms. McCalamity whispers in ear : ‘ I thought we agreed it would be best if you didn’t actually mention your expenses at all ! Remember that little problem you had explaining the gold-plated trouser press and the appointment of your own personal nobbler, sorry ,cobbler claiming you were only trying to emulate the incumbent MP for Birkenhead ?’ – https://order-order.com/2009/10/19/is-frank-field-really-so-saintly/

However from now I will be a commoner and appropriately enough I will be standing in the Birkenhead Constituency. For the duration of my campaign I will be known simply as Julian ( McCalamity whispers in ear) . Oh yes , we’ve agreed on a bit of rebranding and that to maximise the youth vote I will be going by name ‘Joolz’ and my election tagline will be ‘Joolz 4 Birko’ .

Her Ladyship is already busily preparing to become Birkenhead’s First Lady – as opposed to Wirral Chamber of Commerce CEO Paula Basnett who is Birkenhead First’s Lady . Because as everyone knows behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and running the show!

The Leaky Party will be standing on a platform of  investing and supporting public services , promoting openness,transparency and accountability, refusing to reward failure with public money, preventing the appointment of overpaid consultants, promoting meritocracy and rejecting cronyism , barring BS and spurning spin. Oh and whilst we’re at it stopping ‘Returning Officer’ payments at elections – if ever there is case of the undeserving rich it is Eric ‘ Feeble’ Robinson pocketing another 15 grand just before the summer hols. C’mon Eric – do as one of your predecessors once did and donate this unwarranted perk to charity . Might we suggest adding this election windfall to fundraising efforts for victims of the New Ferry  gas explosion. Put OUR money where the need is!

So in conclusion as I launch our campaign I say to the people of Wirral ( and particularly Birkenhead)  – let’s all rise up together and be something more than pitiers of the poor and do something more than promote ourselves,our friends and our own personal agendas.

Let the political games begin……’

 

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10 thoughts on “His Lordship Makes An Announcement

  1. If he has no skeletons in the closet, please ask your butler Eldritch to stand as an independent against Angela Eagle in Wallasey.

    #Brickgate severely damaged her and Eldritch’s foul language, lovable roguish charm and strong ties to the working man would surely finish her off.

    • Sounds good. Wallasey could do with an Eldritch. Verity can stand against McGormless.She’s already set up to shadow a postie like Ali Bongo did at the last election – she may discover he delivers letters and sometimes even parcels.

  2. Hopefully, June 8th. will cast the hapless Ms. Greenwood back into the obscurity from whence she came.
    Her failure to even reply to numerous e.mails I sent her about the Liptrot and Halliday scandalous appointments show that she will do nothing to upset her Wallasey Town Hall political allies.
    However, could it be that she will then emerge in a highly paid consultancy in the same W.T.H?

    • I forgot to add that the thought of “Feeble” Robinson trousering yet more large fees for the Mayoral and now National elections fills me with a desire to bring up my breakfast.

  3. Dear Julian if I was in your ward you would certainly get my vote & I would urge local voters to do likewise. If you want a leaflet dropper and a staunch supporter I am your man & hopefully most of your followers could join in and get you elected.

    • G’day Jonathan & Leaky

      I’m with Jonathan Leaks if you tell me what your policy is on whistleblowers on wirral.

      “Interested” will help if I tell him to leave the boomerang at home, he has a bit of a trigger finger, not unlike AdderleyDadderleyDooLally, I’m told.

      Cardin will be in if he can knock on the Jones’s door and give them some of their own.

      “Tarrantino” will filum us all for posterity.

      Martin might get the family out for an outing and “Highbrow” will probably read Dickens.

      We could ask “Crapapple” if we could use his kiddies.

      Ooroo

      James

      Were getting quite a posse up.

      ‘Mighty oaks from little acorns grow’ and I can vouch for little acorns L.

      Luv ya muchly Lordly XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  4. I can picture Highbrow on the stump in his high vis jacket reading Dickens to the masses…..

    I am feeling oddly optimistic about the outcome….

    Good on yer Lord Leaks…..good on yer Aussie…..!

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