Strange Boutique

Now that Wirral Council and Wirral Globe seem to be cosy all of a sudden ( Hmm – we wonder why?) it seems that the (piss) poor Liverpool /Wirral Echo have to make do with scraps off the table. Wirral Council is such a fickle mistress –  even though fickle mistresses always seem to get them into trouble.

Last week the Echo published a ludicrous puff piece in advance of Monday’s Wirral Council Cabinet meeting where the headline screamed :

New plans to turn Birkenhead Town Hall into boutique hotel

Of course if you read the report to which the article refers to – there are no such plans.

Birkenhead Town Hall – Boutique Hotel

However there are pictures of Birkenhead Town Hall with crocuses in the foreground. “What a crocus of shit….” said our butler Eldritch. And who are we to disagree?

The report itself is grandiosely titled ‘ Strategic  Regeneration Framework’  (SRF) presumably because it’s no longer good enough to have a strategy , you have to have a ‘framework’ to go with it – which of course justifies the inflated salaries of those spewing out this nonsense.

Strategic Regeneration Framework

As Wirral Council seem to be so very keen on ‘ reality checks’  lets get the Leaky Towers crew to break it down for them :  Hamilton Square is magnificent. So is Birkenhead Town Hall. And they’re wasted in Wirral Council’s hands.  So having failed to turn Hamilton Square into a glorified roundabout U-Turn On Roundabout = Dead End  

Wirral Council are now hoping that investors are going to flock to them with an open cheque for a boutique hotel .So let’s take a look around –  God bless the Station Hotel. They really, really tried to bring artisan bread to Birkenhead. Unfortunately they didn’t realise that their customer base were more interested in Frank Field getting their housing benefits sorted out. You won’t be surprised to hear they’ve since closed down because those on the breadline don’t choose artisan bread.

Boutique 009

Perhaps the model Wirral Council should be following and to which they should be lowering  their aspirations somewhat and align themselves to is a skanky drug den such as the Central Hotel.

Boutique 012

Just sayin’

Strange Boutique


6 thoughts on “Strange Boutique

  1. To think how this situation has gradually turned full circle over the last few years.

    The Wirral public will be wondering if this new, cosy arrangement between the players has been forged through a few off the record suggestions and encouragements? You can just see it, can’t you my Lord…?

    “That’s a nice stream of very pricey advertisin’ you’ve got coming in from our boys every week, innit?

    You wouldn’t want anyfin’ to ‘appen to it would ya……?

    Know what we’re sayin’ ? Ah mean, we’ve got our own paper now, innit? Where advertisin’ ‘ain’t been going too well lately…. Ah mean, we don’t wanna just stop our public cash flowin’ in to your boys all of a sudden, and for no reason … because yer’ve been such a valued customer of ours over the years, ‘aven’t ya? Ya wiff me…… ?

    But times change. Fings ‘ain’t as easy as wot they used ta be. Business is business, and ya never know…… seein’ as ‘ow we’re ‘avin’ to crowbar loadza crap into our baby, and fill the empty pages wiff ever more incoherent bollox, we may have to, er… review our options at some point, take a rain check, see wever it ain’t time to tweak a few levers an’ mebbe bring a few fings back in ‘aaahse, sort a fing, yer know what we’re sayin’…. ?

    An’ wot would ya do then, eh? Hahaaa. Wouldn’t look too good would it, bruv? Troublin’ innit?

    Ah mean, imagine gettin’ hauled in an’ ‘avin’ to explain massive, irrecoverable loss of revenue to your board of directors….. ! Might even see you off. An’ ya wouldn’t want that would ya?

    So you ‘ave a little think……… mebbe it’d be an idea to start puttin’ a positive spin on certain bits of yer output. We’re not sayin’ completely chuck this “journalistic independence” fing aht all of a sudden, then start doin’ the biz tomorrah, oh, no, no, no…..

    Just gradually… ease it in… slowly, slowly… catchy monkey…. tweak fings in our favour just a little bit ‘ere an’ there to start wiff….. then full throttle later on…. know what we’re sayin’….. ?

    An’ if ya don’t… – IF YA DON’T – …. mebbe we’ll just ‘ave to shake fings up a bit round ‘ere……….. “

    • G’day innit Paul

      There has to be a reason the mamby pamby mummy’s boy from Caldy “Philly Liar” with his fat chubby lying cheeks and big fat arse hasn’t been seen anywhere for weeks.

      Is he away with AdderleyDadderleyDooLally, his dogsbody the peroxided black rooted “yes to anything woman” and Mr Call Centre mbe on a Chamber Pot junket?

      I wonder who there latest chancer is that will be with them this time around.

      Where to?



      Your right mate they are conniving sometin.


    • W.I.I.T.

      They might also have threatened that the Globe Editor would wake up one morning to find a horse head on the foot of his bed if he did not toe the Council line.

  2. My Lord,

    Yes, I am bonkers, I have clicked on your link to Strategic Regeneration Framework document…. and have read it. Obviously I have vomited.

    But it’s the (bad) language ….(yes it is putting the Aussie in the shade)…. it’s the talk the of such things as ‘the cultural offer’….

    Hang on…. (another retch)…

    In words similar to the bullshit document… it is all such ‘a big ask’ isn’t it my Lord…..

    Oh I have run out of words…

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