Advent Farewell 6 – Deja View

There’s an interesting lead letter in the printed edition of this week’s Wirral Globe written by a certain Chris Noble asking for our views on what to do with the Wirral View. You can read the online version here : Your Views?

Mr Noble tells us he wraps his fish and chips in it. How very droll! But dare we suggest that Mr Noble is a bit late to the Christmas Party? We made the following suggestions a year ago in our Things To Do With Wirral View  post where we wrote:

Put out the flags! Strike up the band !  – not that it was delivered to Leaky Towers but we’ve finally got our hands on an actual paper copy of the second issue of the Wirral Council newspaper Wirral View .  

And was it worth the wait we hear you cry ? – “not so much”  we reply ! . Seemingly in an attempt to avert the attention of  Department of Communities and Local Government minister Marcus Jones who takes a dim view of such publications  Wirral Council seem to to have reversed the old Daily Mail ad slogan and made Wirral View – ” A snoozepaper  , not a newspaper” . Dear Lord but it’s dull.

http://www.holdthefrontpage.co.uk/2016/news/tax-boost-for-local-press-as-minister-launches-council-paper-crackdown/

The tone is set on the front page  with an exclusive story about road gritters. Now we’re sure the guys in the picture are lovely chaps and they do a wonderful job but it’s a bit of a literal and metaphorical fall back down to earth after the fireworks on the front page of the first issue .  The partly obscured word “SPREADING” (no laughing at the back) seems to a subliminal message as even by issue 2 Wirral View seems to spreading itself too thin ( down to 28 pages from 32 and no advertising!) . Her Ladyship was most disappointed there wasn’t even a follow up recipe to the spicy lentil & tomato soup recipe from the first issue.

Therefore  to avoid that empty feeling for those who feel their information deficit has yet to be filled we’ve come up with five festive fun things to do with your copy of Wirral View.  And so with a cry of  : ” Mummy dearest pass me my superman pyjamas I’m going to the spare room to crank one out for Wirral Leaks ….” here dear reader is the list we cranked out just for you ! : 

  1. RETURN TO SENDER

Buy some extra stamps from the Wirral Scout & Guide Charity Post and return the unwanted gift back .

Do_This-Return-to-Sender

2. PARTY BUNTING

Make your own party bunting – or better still your own party political bunting by personalising it with pictures of your favourite local politicians !

things-to-do-023

   3. CHRISTMAS CRACKERS

Do as Wirral View suggest and recycle card and paper from around your home! Forget health and safety regulations (or should that be elf and safety !- geddit?) and craft your own crackers from an empty loo roll. Add some glitter to bring a bit of sparkle to your mundane existence!

things-to-do-019things-to-do-022

 

4. PARTY HATS

What better accessory to go with the wacky Christmas jumper than a Wirral View party hat ! You can surprise everyone  at the Wirral Council office party by showing what a funster you really are under that dour exterior . But remember ! – no photocopying your bottom or subsidising your festivities by raiding the petty cash tin!- or Internal Audit will be after you. Oops! no sorry they missed that particular party trick didn’t they?

things-to-do-030

5.  HAVE YOURSELF A VINTAGE CHRISTMAS

After a trip to the local foodbank to pick up a slightly dented tin of Spam for Christmas dinner why not go the whole hog and get  into the austerity spirit of rationing and make do and mend. Relive those post-war , pre-Izal days of yore and get all nostalgic about outside lavs and using strips of old newspaper for loo roll!

Newspaper loo

8 thoughts on “Advent Farewell 6 – Deja View

  1. I’d comment on that Wirral Globe letter but I can’t since I was censored, banned and muzzled for suggesting that the Globe editor reports on alleged #Racism by two senior and well-connected members of the local Labour party, one of whom is closely attached to Councillor Steve Foulkes and the other who is closely connected to feeder of Birkenhead, Frank Field MP.

  2. After seeing Mr. Noble`s letter I have replied to the Editor who may publish my missive next week.
    I suggested that Wirral View was possibly suitable for lining the bottom of a parrot`s cage but commented that any intelligent parrot would be very annoyed at having to live with such trash in his home.

    I also mentioned that, in my long ago youth, it would have been unread and torn into 6 inch squares and placed on a nail inside the door of the outside lavatory.

    Those were the days before soft toilet rolls!

  3. Christmas BOOMERANG…..

    ‘We have given them almost six years to own up and say it was all wrong, they’ve lied, cheated, hidden stuff, obfuscated and told bare faced lies.’

    (The Aussie, on the Wirral Biz/Council scandal.)

  4. Actually – our local hedgehog rescue centre in Hoylake is always looking out for newspapers to provide bedding for the 60 or so hibernating or recuperating hedgehogs. It isn’t the best paper as it is a bit less absorbent than others, but they would be happy to have them  JO 

  5. I’ve said it before, and i’ll say it again, don’t bother with a stamp, just send the shit back in the post in an old envelope, simple!

  6. Pingback: Advent Farewell 16 – A View of Christmas | Wirralleaks

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