Our readers have rightly brought to our attention that we missed a trick with our Good Advice story as we all know that the most useful piece of advice that any local Labour politician wanting to remain in public office on Wirral can receive at the moment is to publicly pledge allegiance to Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn.
Although @ronnieabbey1 is pure comedy gold we’d like to help prospective Labour councillors to avoid having a post- deselection public meltdown on Twitter .
So here’s our cut out and keep ‘Top Ten Tips For Tentative Trots’ advising how the politically ambitious can ensure that the allowances, expenses and lucrative gigs on outside bodies can continue during this difficult time of political upheaval ( i.e. Cllr Steve ‘Foulkesy’ Foulkes)
1 Buy some Jeremy Corbyn memorabilia ,a t-shirt , a mug , an oven glove, a ‘Jez We Can’ baseball cap . Just make sure that whatever you purchase wasn’t made in a third world sweat shop by a 9 year old earning less in a day than your monthly Labour Party subscription ( £4.17) . Indeed we understand that until he stopped going to Birkenhead Constituency Labour Party meetings Frank Field was delighted to see so many Labour Party members wearing ‘I ♥ JC’ t-shirts until he realised that they were not on the path to spiritual enlightenment but exhibiting the first signs of Jezzamania , leading him to comment : ‘He’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy’ !
2 Acquaint yourself with that quaint old ideology known as ‘Socialism’. Try not to get it confused with ‘National Socialism’ . Know your ‘Das Kapital’ from your ‘Mein Kampf’! We don’t want any more racist incidents involving local Labour party members do we?!
3 Study the works of Marx and no, we don’t mean watching ‘Duck Soup’ or ‘A Day at The Races’ on the Sky Cinema Greats channel !
4 Have your photograph taken wearing your ‘I ♥ JC’ t-shirt and ‘Jez we Can’ baseball cap (preferably at a foodbank, on a picket line or wiv da yoof ) and get it printed on your election leaflet.
5 Use the word ‘comrade’ as often as you can especially when communicating with the lumpenproletariat* ( i.e. Foulkesy)
6 Stand in front of the mirror with a hairbrush (or if your folliclely challenged – a rolled up copy of the Morning Star) and practice chanting “Oh Jeremy Corbyn…” to the White Stripes tune ‘Seven Nation Army’
7 When approached by the media to comment on the Frank Field withdrawal from the party whip situation reply : ” Never heard of him … was he the one that sang ‘She Taught Me How To Yodel’ ?
Listen we know Field gets bloody everywhere but it’s important that you adopt a Stalinist approach on the subject. So despite the fact that many a time he got you out of trouble of your own making you must make every attempt to erase the last 39 years from history (i.e. Foulkesy) . Frank Ifield may have sang ” I Remember You” but when it comes to Frank Field you don’t ! – got it?
8 Emphasize your working class background by mentioning in your election leflet that you once went to Maccy D’s in your pyjamas but didn’t much like it as you were shocked to discover that ‘smashed avocado on sourdough’ wasn’t a menu option
9 Emphasize your revolutionary credentials by letting people know that you might possibly go and see the new Mike Leigh film ‘Peterloo’ – the story of the 1819 Peterloo Massacre where British forces attacked a peaceful pro-democracy rally in Manchester – but only if ‘Mamma Mia 2’ is no longer showing.
10 Finally, the most contemporary way to show both your political devotion and guarantee your political survival would be to get a Jeremy Corbyn tattoo. A temporary one obviously …