The Dirty Back Roads of Wirral : A Sexsational Wirral Leaks Exposé

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We really to doff our ermine-lined cap to the Liverpool Echo as they have beaten us (for once) to a really important story affecting the lives of people of Wirral in the run up to the local elections. Yes, we’re talking about their series of groundbreaking  ‘dogging’ exclusives which you can read here.  Therefore in a desperate bid for cheap, exploitative clickbait we sent our intrepid dogging correspondents Darren Dogg and Liam Limp to bravely expose themselves to the elements and bring you the dirty lowdown on the dirty lowdown…

Here’s what our fearless reporters recorded whilst looking into the seedy underbelly of Wirral .There’ll be no cheap jokes about certain Wirral Councillors here.This is serious  cutting edge journalism.

So here we are sitting in a hire car ,in the dark, in the middle of nowhere, desperate for a story with the sorry excuse that al fresco sex is a fit subject for a political reporter because sordid shenanigans are reportedly taking place on disused (and now misused) Wirral Council land. We’re slightly scared but also strangely aroused. Indeed I haven’t been this concerned about a semi since that time I watched Brokeback Mountain with the mother-in law. I valiantly tell myself to get a grip (or more importantly NOT to get a grip) .  

I try to distract myself from the alleged lewd scenes and recall the last time I sat through a turgid Wirral Council meeting and suddenly I’m detumescent and ready to resume surreptitiously snooping on alleged sex pests without the inconvenience of a slight tautness in my trousers  Then dramatically Darren turns to me and starts screaming hysterically about a ‘mysterious boulder’ .  I look at my chinos and faintly blush.  Sensing my discomfort,he averts his eyes and shrieks “No !…” – like Yvonne Fielding in a particularly dodgy episode of ‘Most Haunted ‘ – “… look over there ,there’s a ‘mysterious boulder’ in the middle of the road!”. Suddenly I feel as though I’m in an episode of ‘Scooby Doo’  – although I can’t ever recall an episode where Velma,Freddy or Daphne end up taking a gimp mask off of a caretaker who had taken up recreational sex in the great outdoors . However there was a character called ‘Shaggy’ – so perhaps I was missing the hidden sexual subtext all along. My mind was obviously wondering again as I’d forgotten the reason I was sat in a car on a wet and windy night on Wirral. Then I recalled that whilst there was absolutely no sign of any open air furtling in the back of a Ford Transit (or Coq Au Vin as the French call it) the night’s events had taught us that we can generate a lot of online traffic even without any sightings of driving up a dirty back road…

4 thoughts on “The Dirty Back Roads of Wirral : A Sexsational Wirral Leaks Exposé

  1. The Globe carried a story of dogged determination a while ago. It was crafted by someone called a ‘local democracy’ reporter. So perhaps we’ll have a choice between even more Murky Parties in May. Perhaps a departing councillor will invite us to join his own murky party.

  2. G’day Leaks

    I have always called the 65 that sided with “Philly “FUCKING” Liar” and his Wirral “Funny” Bizz £2,000,000.00 knock off

    Lying Dogs

    Ooroo

    James

    How can these scum bags live with themselves or their dogs.

    Don’t go Lordsville. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    Well not till “Philly “FUCKING” LIar” properly and publicly apologises to us Wirral “Funny” Bizz whistleblowers.

    Ps Aids, see you next Tuesday. X

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