Sheena Is A Non-Shocker

DRONES
Let the battle of the sexes commence as the self-serving “public servants” line up to sip from the poisoned chalice that is the Chief Executive post at Wirral Council.
Following our lead (and you know you do you clueless bunch of bottom feeders at Wirral Council ) but we suspect that the next Chief Executive will probably be of the female persuasion.

We understand the first to throw their hat in the ring is Sheena Ramsey – the former Knowsley Council official who left with a tidy £200,000 kiss off. SEE HERE

She then failed to get the top job at Bradford Council and is now sniffing round for the consolation prize at Wirral Council and may have already had a heart to heart with Comrade Burgesski to see whether it’s a goer.

Well when we say heart to heart they’ve probably got their calculators out and compared how much money is to be made from sitting there and taking the flak for a never-ending series of fuck-ups. No doubt Burgesski told her just to repeat the words ” Common Purpose” at regular intervals and she’ll be a shoe-in….

We also hear that Becky “Well Hard” Hellard, Finance Director at Liverpool City Council may also be interested in taking the Ferry Cross The Mersey.It may seem to be a bit of an ambitious punt for a mere Director – but the Liverpool connection will no doubt stand her in good stead.

Meanwhile  we wonder whether Addled  still thinks he’s in with a shout ? – we think it may be a case of wrong sex ,wrong time but we are living in very strange times so anything can happen…………………………… we’ll keep you posted on any developments.

Big Guns in Tiny Town

TINY

Following our earlier story about the beano in Reno Verity has been doing some further research into other towns who have had the dubious honour of being twinned with Wirral.  Apparently Wirral has been rather wanton with it’s unique charms and has previously wooed (in no particular order) Gennevilliers (France) ,Lorient (France) ,Latina (Italy) and Midland (Texas ,USA not the Black Country).
Then of course there was the Eurowirral office in Brussels which achieved er, well nothing much at all really.

As we’ve said before it seems to us at Leaky Towers that never has so much public money been spent on air miles by so many globetrotting councillors and officers to achieve so very little………

Of course the Twin Town debate is something that has concerned the great and the ghoul of Wirral for sometime.
Leaky Towers have always maintained we should be twinned with Jericho in recognition of our local whistleblowing community whilst Frankenfield seems to think that Birkenhead should be twinned with Beirut!.

However it seems to us that Wirral is behaving like a desperate divorcee on a dating website – posting flattering pictures to prospective partners in the hope of finding true love and salvation. The Reno hook-up seems particularly dodgy – apparently the fact that “The Chamber of Commerce had a contact over in Reno with a guy who used to work in Liverpool in the video gaming industry….” was enough for the Wirral posse to metaphorically put on the lippy ,reach for the Wonderbra and fly down to Reno on a wing and a prayer.

Finally we’d particularly love to know what clean living local Councillor Paul “Danceaway” Doughty thinks about twinning with Reno – famous for gambling and quickie divorces.

Let’s just hope if we get a delegation from Reno visiting that Wirral tops up the Botox to prevent “The Biggest Little City in The World” seeking a quickie divorce…….

Wirral Leaks Advent Calendar – Carry On Cowboy

cowboy-_-Phil

Now we know that we deal in satire at Leaky Towers but there are times when Wirral Council is simply beyond parody.

Escaping the dreary weather and austerity,cuts,redundancies Council Leader Power Boy Pip , Kevin Addled and Paula Basket from Wirral Chamber of Commerce fly out to the bright lights – turning their attention from the east and head west – the wild west of Reno,Nevada to be precise in the hope of making twin town arrangements and establishing trade links.

See here

First of all we’re wondering as to what happened to wooing Chinese investors like Stella Shiu? Are we finally going to get an admission that chasing the Chinese dragon was a complete waste of time and money ?  However we do feel that this optimistic hook-up is a much more appropriate arrangement – involving as it does desperate gamblers from a cultural desert.

Needless to say we’ll be following this development closely especially when we read that during their transatlantic trip the trumped up trade delegation trio met with a character called Geno Martini from Reno’s neighbouring city of Sparks.

You really couldn’t make this shit up.

Wirral Leaks Advent Calendar – Fail to Plan,Plan to Fail.

CONF IDE
Wirral Council seem to think that as long as they have plan that everything is A-OK on Planet Fail!!
They may not keep to the plan,the plan may be filled with meaningless happy clappy platitudes but hey they’ve got a plan. Hooray! God bless us one and all.
The latest manifestation of their plan-mania is the “Corporate Plan : Refreshed for 2015-16” (which appropriately enough makes it sound like a cheap toilet disinfectant)
The plan itself has all the substance of over-spun candyfloss  exemplified by one of those cliched and hackneyed word clouds ( somebody tell me have we time travelled back to 2010?)
The four words which comprise this word cloud are : Confidence,Ambition,Integrity and Efficiency.Please – no laughing at the back……..
However we thought that in honour of the Mayor the most prominent word should read (Vote of no) Confidence …..followed by (Over) – Ambitious , (Lack of) Integrity and (Full of) Effluence.

 

Wirral Leaks Advent Calendar

I-Believed-006

Our first revelation is an exclusive Leaky Towers preview of the memoir of the soon to be departing Wirral Council Chief Executive Comrade Burgesski.

This mighty tome is titled ” I Believed” and we anticipate it will be a modern day morality tale telling how an idealistic young social worker and union firebrand is seduced by the bright lights of Blackburn and Birkenhead  – eventually rising to dizzying heights to become the fourth most influential person in local government. Inevitably, as often happens in such tales, after the rise comes the fall as Burgesski embarks on a challenge too far by attempting to turn around the fortunes of  failing Wirral Council.

A task that leading local government experts have likened to trying to climb Mount Everest in roller skates. We think this book will be essential reading for anyone considering entering into a Faustian pact.

Book Reviews

“Former Comrade joins the running dogs of capitalism. A paradigm of  false consciousness and conscious falseness.As Marx (Groucho) once said: “These are my principles.If you don’t like them,I have others” .
A traitor! – The Morning Star

” Influential leader publishes a manual for anyone who wants to get ahead in local government. As leading blue sky thinking bureaucrat Phil Formin once said : “Sincerity is everything . If you can fake that you’ve got it made”. An inspiration! –
The Local Government Chronicle

” Silver Fox lifts lid on what goes on behind closed doors in the town hall (and other places).As Employee X would have said if they hadn’t signed a gagging clause : ” Burgesski knows the secret of how to make people happy.And what’s more he sure knows how to keep a secret!” . Foxy!  – Take A Break

Order your copy now : Only £48,000 !!! ( shower not included).

The Poisoned Chalice

A-Chal

Question : What’s the difference between “leader” (lol) of  Wirral Council Phil” Power Boy Pip” Davies and a supermarket trolley?
Answer : A supermarket trolley has a mind of it’s own !

Accordingly our so-called “Leader with Special Powers”  has decided to further line the pockets of external consultants Penna and LGA from a seemingly bottomless pit of public money. This time it’s to give advice on the appointment of a new Chief Executive to follow in the footsteps of Comrade ” I’m a non-entity get me out of here”  Burgesski.

This week saw the unedifying spectacle of an Employment and Appointments Committee where nodding dog Labour deputies  Cllr Ann “McCrackers” McLachlan and Gorgeous George “Downfall” Davies  fearlessly backed Pip in his mission to attract a top-notch Chief Executive on a top-whack salary.

 “We need a reality check and get in the real world” implored Cllr McLachlan , somehow managing to keep a straight face as she endorsed a £175,000 golden hello for another doubtless self-serving shyster.

Let’s face it whoever they appoint to the top job their task is to simply make people redundant and close down public services and take the flak whilst Pip blames the Tories (whilst failing  to mention that if they are elected at the next General Election Labour intend to carry on regardless with the self-same “austerity measures!” ……..)

Indeed a quick glance at the Penna website tells you everything you need to know about what kind of candidate Wirral Council are looking for:

“Enhanced efficiency and seeking to do more with less in the face of ever growing demands and more exacting financial pressures whilst trying to maintain the current welfare state benefits means that current paradigms need to shift.
In the current economic climate there is increasing pressure for public services to run efficiently. Driving forward public sector reform will help the UK emerge stronger and faster from the global downturn. Learning from those already making efficiency savings is the next challenge for public services”

Which translates as : ” Yes we love public services so much we decided to work in the private sector and make lots of money advising public servants to hire people like us”…..which makes us at Leaky towers want to tell Penna where exactly they can shift their bloody paradigm.

And as for the LGA ( L’Oreal Government Services – ” Because we’re worth it…”)
Haven’t the people of Wirral paid you lot enough already – and for what exactly?

We noticed that both consultants still failed to point out in their unconvincing deliberations that a) there is a particular perk that the past three Chief Executives have enjoyed and  b) whosoever does take the job the first criteria must surely be whether they meet Frankenfield’s approval ….

So finally our advice to prospective candidates is that it might be wise to check out Wirral Leaks to know exactly what they’re really letting themselves in for before considering how they intend to spend their miserly £14,500 A MONTH paycheck……..

The Female Touch

jesus_use_me

Where Wirral Leaks lead the local moribund politicos and commentators are sure to follow ( evidenced by Frankenfield recently making the fatal mistake of giving us public acknowledgment when frankly(!) we never sought it and especially from a clapped -out desperado like him. )

The latest manifestation of “The Wirral Leaks Effect” are the pleas for a homegrown Chief Executive to replace another clapped out desperado – Comrade Burgesski

SEE HERE

The need to have someone in a position of power who actually gives a shit (and we don’t mean dog shit ) about Wirral rather than using their appointment as a means to fund their executive lifestyle far from the dereliction, decay and despair of some parts of the peninsula is something we’ve commented on frequently.

And yes we’re talking about former social services director John ” Curly Watts” Webb and former Chief Executive Steve ” Mad Dog” Maddox here – both of whom were not averse to disparaging the people of Wirral but were quite happy to take their hard earned money off them before sodding off to leafy Cheshire.

However we’d like to take this even further and daringly suggest (deep breath)……How about a Chief Executive of the female persuasion?
I know !  Rad- Fem or what?

We suggest this – not in an equal opportunities tickbox kind of way (although Lord knows it’s the only explanation for some of Wirral Council’s most senior appointments) but as a means of challenging Wirral Council’s macho culture.

From what we know of the Wirral Council Chief Officers meeting it’s like the cast list of “The Expendables” – testosterone -fuelled phonies in pursuit of a big pay cheque.
The irony being is that these all talk and no-action heroes think everyone who works for Wirral Council is expendable except for them ! ( including the formerly favoured one who seems to have more gardening leave than Alan Titchmarsh on a sabbatical in Ness Gardens).

Wirral Council’s record of appointing women to high office is absolutely woeful and we think goes some way to explaining the gung ho bullying culture which has plagued the council for many years. There has never been a female chief executive and women directors you can count on the one hand ( “Yeah Abu Hamza’s …” drawled Her Ladyship)…… Under the circumstances we’re not surprised that the current most senior female officer has even been wavering about going lately – and no we don’t mean that one ….she just thinks she’s the most senior ranking female officer…..

What’s more we think that an added bonus for the people of Wirral is that a female Chief Executive might be more inclined to keep her mind on serving the people of Wirral and not be distracted from the job in hand by the nearby fluttering of eyelashes………

Sindy Says

Sindy Says…..

Networking

Hi Leakers and Leakerettes Sindy Snipe here!

So they’ve asked me to deal with some of the more downmarket elements emerging from their bulging postbag and also to add a bit of showbiz razzamatazz to proceedings at Leaky Towers….and at the moment the postbag is bulging like a consultant’s bank account ( Is that a rolled up  independent report in your trousers or are you just pleased to see me ? – by the way you can gag me anytime big boy!…..but it’ll cost ya!.)

The Silver Fox & The Blonde Bombshell

And so to the surprise of absolutely nobody we hear that outgoing  Wirral Council chief executive G-man Burgesski – has with indecent haste after announcing his alleged “retirement” – revealed he’s got a lucrative new gig as chairman of a newly-formed Northwest housing group called Torus. SEE HERE  (gotta pay the rent somehow eh G-man? But beware property management can be a sticky business! )

Burgesski cheekily says :

“The size, scale and vision of what I have seen so far are really impressive.”
Oo – er! …we can only hope the wily old silver fox is talking about his pay cheque!…….

Joining him at the top of this ambitious Northwest network for narcissists will be Rob “Blonde Bombshell” Young – a former Assistant Housing Director at ,yes you guessed it boys and girls ,……Wirral Council! ……..“I’m really looking forward to working alongside Graham right from the start of the Torus journey.”
Yes –  a journey all the way to the bank.  Torus? For-Us morelike !

What A Pair of Tits!

APAIROFTITS

Vapid, Vain and fake. But enough about Frank..

I understand that one-woman frocky horror show Dame Vivienne Westwood  caused controversy this week by suggesting that poor people should eat less so they can afford organic food. “Let Them Eat Mung Beans” eh,Viv ? – you batty old trout.

Talking of which has my favourite local MP been whispering his usual showboating piffle in her ear?  Hey Frankenfield – do they have Fairtrade tofu at the local foodbanks ?….. I’m sure you volunteer there all the time!
What a pair of tits! – and I’m not talking about Pamela Anderson.

Menage A Trois

I know that French is the langue d’amour but I’ve never been able to get my tongue round it?!!! ..  😉  However I keep coming across the phrase “Menage A Trois” in correspondence addressed to Leaky Towers…..whatever does it mean?!………..do tell !

Mwah!

Sindy X

 

All Fall Down

Cracking-UP

Although Her Ladyship is partial to persuing the horoscopes in her monthly ” Stately Home and LGA Chief Executives Lifestyle” magazines and we’re not usually superstitious or mystical at Leaky Towers. However on hearing the news that the collapsing old buildings in Kings St ,Wallasey was in the ownership of Wirral Council we couldn’t help feeling that this was a portent of things to come.
SEE HERE

Apparently Wirral Council had bought the buildings six years ago with “renewal” funny money and in the time-honoured council tradition work had failed to begin by the time the two buildings collapsed.

Inevitably Comrade Burgesski and housing head honcho Cllr George “Downfall” Davies issued statements praising emergency services and the council “for the speedy way the incident had been dealt with.” The fact that the buildings were left to get into a state where they could injure life and limb is blithely ignored. Fortunately it seems no-one was injured or killed or Wirral Council might have been looking at a hefty compensation claim for negligence or even a corporate manslaughter charge.

But did we expect anything  different from Burgesski and Georgie ?  – what a star-crossed combination that is! They’re well practised  in the relentless pursuit of protecting reputations…..their own,the council ,their bezzies, their favoured courtiers ……AT ANY COST! (but if you can bring it in at just under £50K all the better !)

Which brings us back to our omens – we can feel it in our water that Burgesski and Georgie are about to bring everything falling down around them………………

Mob Rule

WIRRALYOBBOS

‘If they are Caesars or Cromwells, they seize power for themselves. If they are spineless courtiers, uninterested in doing good yet dangerous when they seek to do harm, they go back to lay their power at their master’s feet, and help him to resume arbitrary power on condition they become his chief servants ‘– Maximilien Robespierre, 1791

Is it us or does it suddenly seem as though Wirral Council is gripped with turmoil akin to pre-revolutionary France?

Consider if you will the “Golden Shower” – the gilded elite sustained by Comrade Burgesski which has come to symbolise the excess and decadence of Wirral Council – holding court at top-notch tucked-away hostelries and pissing on the proles.

No jobs? no prospects ? no hope ? – “Let them play golf” drawls Burgesski and his courtiers and then signs another cheque of public money to get him out of a bunker dug for him by careless, feckless and clueless local politicians.

Of course we were soon onto the man once described as “the fourth most influential man in local government” ( that’s one hell of a chat up line I’m sure you agree) and identified that he was really the Emperor With No Clothes ………

However we do admit Burgesski proved to be a rich source (no pun intended) of satire – from lampooning his preening vanity in the “What Really Matters” video to his St.Vitus Dance routine at last years Improvement Board Royal Variety Show.

The man who arrived on Wirral thinking he was a shoe-in for an OBE and a nice little pension pot top up – who soon followed the path of least resistance and threw his hand in with the people who had brought Wirral Council so low in exchange for a permanent contract – only to find they were to later to turn on him when he made the suggestion that the future assistant Chief Executive should be a particularly favoured courtier.

Fear not dear readers the revolutionary spirit lives on at Leaky Towers – even in the face of the relentless photo-op phonies.We all know who they are – the ones with seemingly endless access to local media. Note how the press statements and PR stunts from certain local politicians rise exponentially with the effluence emanating from Wallasey Town Hall. The latest manifestation of this loathing by politicians for the people they are meant to serve comes in the form of the desperate and manipulative “yob culture” rhetoric we have witnessed this past week.

We can only long for the day when the so called “yobs” rise from their false consciousness and instead of terrorizing their own neighbourhoods they begin to direct their anger and frustration toward the false messiahs who fail to consider their own manifest failings when it comes to a situation where disaffected,disenfranchised and dysfunctional young people on Wirral feel they have no option but to make other people’s lives as miserable as their own.

Not so much “Yob Culture is Ruining Town” as “Mob Culture is Running Town”

Vive le revolution!