Get Out of Town – The Death of Birkenhead

M &S

The future of retail in Birkenhead. Harsh maybe – but we guarantee more accurate than any Wirral Council approved artist’s impression.  

So farewell then to the Marks & Spencer store in Birkenhead after a long and continuous presence in the town.  It may be only one store – but it is hugely symbolic of the state of Birkenhead town centre – and do we mean state !

It’s certainly a fist in the face to Birkenhead First isn’t it? Proving to the Wirral Chamber of Commerce backed initiative ,which aims to make Birkenhead an attractive and vibrant retail and leisure destination, that there’s more needed than litter picks and pop-ups when it comes to the cut-throat world of commerce.

Whilst there have long been rumours that House of Fraser is on the way out  -and let’s face it since the demise of Beattie’s it has rapidly gone downhill – it staggers on , but for how long?  As far as we’re concerned that would be the final nail in the coffin and then all Birkenhead will be fit for is a set for a remake of  ‘Dawn of the Living Dead’ – the zombie movie set in a shopping mall.

As for Birkenhead MP Frank Field “demanding” a meeting with M&S chiefs – that’s the trouble with him , he’s so used to “demanding” and getting his own way with Wirral councillors that when the harsh reality of the business world hits he’s suddenly out of his depth and left wallowing in the poverty of his constituents , all prissy pursed lips and a put upon expression.

Council leader Cllr Phil  ‘Power Boy Pip’ Davies is even more delusional and in peak Pollyanna mode is quoted in the Liverpool Echo as saying :

Good public transport links , £2 all-day parking and plans to re-invigorate the market are positive signs , and the business community ,residents and shoppers are keen to see to see Birkenhead invested in and improved”

But even Pip must know that a headline such as ” Make no mistake … M&S Birkenhead closure is a disaster”  in the usually compliant Liverpool Echo means that this is not a good news story.

It’s not a question of running down Birkenhead – it’s already run down or to use Presidential language  – it’s a shithole! Time for Pip, Frankenfield and co to wake up and smell the weed wafting down Grange Road.

So spare us the artists’ impressions for fantasy schemes that will never happen , the deceptive , expensive and manipulative wraparound advertising features in Wirral Globe, the press releases about the billions of pounds about to come Birkenhead’s way soon, honest, the cheque’s in the post etc; etc;

If all Wirral Council’s ‘transformers’ can come up with is plans for more car parking charges and a drive-in Maccy D’s whilst transforming their bank balance at our expense and jetting off to Cannes to hawk the tawdry wares that Birkenhead has to ‘offer’ then surely Marksy’s departure is the beginning of the end for the town.

And so we say to the young people of Birkenhead – get an education and GET OUT OF TOWN! Leave the dereliction to the derelicts and those who have been derelict in their duty for decades.






Personal Growth


What better way to spend a Friday night than playing ‘Mock the Geek’  as we watch Wirral Council leader Cllr Phil ‘Power Boy Pip’ Davies in his summer casuals give a toecurling performance promoting the Wirral Growth Company.

Reading from no doubt Liptrot-scripted cue cards Pip demonstrates that his presentation skills have not improved since his last foray into the world of video nasties. Remember ‘What Really Matters’  ? –  the Wirral Council bogus consultation exercise promo co-hosted by the equally charisma-free ex Wirral Council CEO Graham Burgess?

As you can witness for yourself ‘Pollyanna’ Pip promises that he “expects to see spades in the ground “ in 2018 . Presumably burying his political career.

For those of you interested , and judging by the 13 views in a week that’s not many of you, here’s how to enter into a ‘joint venture property vehicle’ with Wirral Council to basically manage their property and land portfolio .

The most interesting aspect of this exercise is trying to guess who will be the lucky winner of this lucrative contract and whether it will be about the public or the personal.

Are you thinking what we’re thinking?

Growth 3 012

Bullshit Bullseye


We’d like to thank Plain English Campaign for nominating Wirral Council for a Golden Bull Award.

This award dishonours public documents which have proved to be outstanding in the field of bullshit.  SEE HERE

This particular nomination (there was also one for the Council last year ) comes from perennial underachievers , the Department of Adult Social Services (DASS) and goes a little something like this…..

“The former model for integrating the integrated arrangements for health and social care were dealt with through separate streams, reablement and carers funds paid to the CCG and a special social care transfer for improved health outcomes, the section 256 agreement, these arrangements are superseded by the Better Care Fund.”


No, we haven’t the foggiest either ! Which is worrying considering that this is meant to be a document for public consumption.

But we  all know it’s not really – it’s meant to bamboozle Councillors and bemuse the public.

The purpose of the exercise is to prove that Council Officers know best – they know all the acronyms and all the buzzwords – and all are intended to exclude and enable them to retain their power over those “not in the know”.

However we were pleased to see Power Boy Pip picking up a buzzword from those “in the know” – namely Wirral Leaks – when he commented on the nomination : “I wouldn’t begin to defend it,” he said. “I agree, it is gobbledegook”

Leaky Fans will remember an article from October 2013 T titled “The Pollyanna Principle”

where coincidentally we took particular issue with the mystifying language of Wirral Council’s Annual Governance Statement commenting as follows :

“Anyway we thought we’d check out the 6 principles outlined in the Statement that Power Boy Pip referred to and although we were a little dismayed to find that there is no mention of the Pollyanna Principle, the document nevertheless provided the opportunity to play one of our favourite pastimes at Leaky Towers – Bullshit Bingo!.

Principle 1 : Focussing on the purpose of the Authority and on outcomes for the community including citizens and service users and creating and implementing a vision for the local area

Oh here we go with the visions again! How many Super Directors did it take to come up with that gobbledygook?! Because as anyone will tell you who lives here – life on Wirral would be so much better if only we had a vision! Meanwhile we’ ll have to console ourselves with the mirage that is Wirral Waters”.

Finally in celebration of this well -deserved nomination Wirral Leaks are issuing a special commemorative cut out and keep Bullshit Bingo card.

Any further suggestions of bullshit from Wirral Council documents and communications please send  to :