Chamber of Horrors

 

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As we’re still waiting the arrival of Wirral View  we had to console ourselves with the cut out and keep Wirral Chamber of Commerce supplement in this week’s Wirral Globe.

Blimey! – there’s Paula rockin’ the tan enhancing white outfit again . You can sense the middle aged desperation from here. Then there’s some hapless handsome chappy roped in for publicity purposes and Kevin “Addled” Adderley giving us his best death stare. Get over it Kev – Emma never loved you. Either get some counselling or console yourself with the fact you screwed Wirral Council for a bit fat cheque and even as a desperate hasbeen you can still have a sly fag out the back of Egerton House.

We also get the announcement that the Business Improvement District (BID) managed by Wirral Chamber of Commerce won the Place Marketing – Small Location in the BID Awards 2016. Apparently this was due to July’s inaugural ‘Be in Birkenhead Summer Festival’ held in Hamilton Square. Jeezus – there must be so many places on earth that someone would  want to spend summer other than Birkenhead . As Her Ladyship said : ” Book me a flight to Kabul, Aleppo, the Death Valley. Anywhere but bloody Birkenhead in summer “.

No doubt the special attractions of the Birkenhead Summer Festival featured the ‘Smack Shack’ , the ‘Methadone Marquee’ and the ‘Heroin Haven’. They must have come in droves.

After being privy to this good news we are also treated to a list of forthcoming events at  ‘The Lauries Centre’ – which has also now been annexed by the Wirral Chamber of Commerce.

At which point we hand over to one of our many insightful contributors who says :

I see that WBC have picked up an award for ‘Birkenhead First’, a recent regeneration scheme. I mean, do me a favour! What regeneration is this? Each day Birkenhead fills with more homeless beggars, more junkies using Hamilton Square as a toilet, more shops shuttered up, more piles of rubbish in the overpriced car parks in Grange Rd West, more public drinking along Borough Rd. And that’s not to mention the row of boarded up shops which have been there longer than my memory. Charing Cross is a delightful place now it has been regenerated, the boarded up pubs, the all night kebab shops and drinking dens, the crowds of morons spoiling for a fight…a true tourists delight. Did the 6,500 extra visitors enjoy their experience? How does this council get an award for all this?

To which we replied :We think it must be a misprint and the award was for DE- generation.

Our correspondent responded : And now the Wine Lodge is up for sale, I bet that gets boarded up after Xmas. WBC could offer tours to firms of boarder uppers to show them how to shut down and board up an entire town, Charing Cross, the centre of old Birkenhead. I remember the xmas tree on the roundabout as was. Look at it now, criminal……….

Over to you Paula  “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas” Basnett – will you be ordering a double Aussie White from Yatesy’s as a bit of Christmas cheer?. We suspect only if someone else is buying and preferably someone with a big chequebook from Wirral Council!.