An itemised statement which led to the charges of misuse of corporate credit cards by a Senior Wirral Council Officer has been forwarded to Lord and Lady Wirralleaks. Oh My! It all looks a little “abnormal!”
Among the items identified on the bill which aroused suspicions of no-one in particular until that pesky office cleaner retrieved it from the Tray marked: ” Seriously Dodgy Shit – shred immediately” included dozens of tins of white paint, building materials and lubricant.
Apparently when questioned by Internal Audit Manager I.C.Nuffin the Officer who had been in possession of the credit card claimed to merely be carrying out Council instructions.
He went on to explain the tins of paint were required for an extensive programme of whitewashing, the sand to enable Senior Officers and Councillors to bury their heads in it ,the cement to send incriminating documents placed in a trunk to the bottom of the Mersey because the shredder had spontaneously combusted and the Vaseline was for the,ahem, greasy pole…………….”
The Senior Officer has subsequently been totally exonerated of any wrongdoing and has been awarded a replica golden cone and a suitcase of used fivers”.