One of the joys of the festive season is when our butler Eldritch retrieves the treasured games from behind my portrait and the embarrassing relatives we hide in the attic.
Her Ladyship stops picking sugared almonds from her teeth ( a la Cllr Bill ” Gurn-Merchant” Davies ) , drags herself away from the scandal sheets ( and we’re not talking the beds at Mere Brook House) , adjusts her pince-nez glasses , deigns to join the servants in the parlour and it’s fun and frolics all the way.
However we can’t help being reminded of Wirral Council when we play our party games.
First of all there’s the classic game of Monopoly – because of course there’s so much fun to be had getting out of trouble using other people’s money
Talking of chancers – how many times have Wirral Council played this particular card!?.
It’s just a shame they sell their soul using our money to the highest bidder/ lowest of the low.
And then of course there’s the pieces that the powers that be move about the board as if they were Wirral Council staff facing redundancies.
The Hat – for pulling rabbits out of.In a spot of trouble ?,need someone to cover your corpulent,corporate backside?.Hire a consultant! – usually middle class compromisers enabling working class chancers to get off the hook.
The Thimble – for stitch ups (see above).
The Sportscar – the reward for indentured servitude.Some people sell their soul for a top of the range motor (preferably with personalised numberplates) or the chance to be driven around in a taxi at the council taxpayers expense or to be chauffeur driven in mayoral splendour.
The Boot – A funny kind of redundancy where the order of the boot comes at a high cost.
The Ship – HMS Wirral Council has more leaks than the Titanic.They would do well to remember the World War 2 slogan: Loose lips sinks ships.
The Iron – for ironing out problems with one hand whilst wielding a Council chequebook in the other.
Which all leads to the following game :
The Merry Game of Floundering – press releases,publicity shots and puff pieces.Is anyone taken in by the Most Improved Council in Britain tag?
Meanwhile we’ve passed many a happy hour playing Identity Kit – just who will be Wirral Council’s next Chief Executive (acting or otherwise) .From Maddox to Wilkie to Coleman to Frater to Armstrong to the current incumbent Eric “Feeble” Robinson – monumental nonentities one and all.
Then there’s always Funny Bunny (or should that be Funny Money?) – Might we suggest that “remove the carrots and watch the bunny drop” should be Wirral Council’s new executive incentive scheme . How about instead of rewarding failure by paying executives six figures worth of public money to disappear out the back door can we change the rules of the game and hold them accountable instead ?.
And finally we come to our favourite game at Leaky Towers :
Thankfully there are an increasing number of people wanting to play this game when it comes to challenging Wirral Council and this has led to some embarrassing recent climbdowns.
We all know the dice may be loaded but there are encouraging signs that Wirral Council’s luck may soon run out.
Here’s to fun and games in 2016!.