Electioneering For Amateurs

And so the electioneering silly season starts with Wirral West MP Esther McVague tweeting: ” Wirral Labour can’t be trusted” during the Hillsborough Memorial.
Right message – terrible,terrible timing.

But then Wirral Tories can’t be trusted either. Pity the poor people of Wirral , who in the forthcoming local elections , seem to have the choice between cynical,manipulative political opportunists or ,er…cynical ,manipulative,political opportunists.

Meanwhile Power Boy Pip Davies stood solemnly on the Town Hall steps and spoke about the ” deceitful and outrageous” events surrounding the Hillsborough tragedy.
Hoping that “truth will be revealed” and adding ” with this truth must come justice”.

Justice? , really Pip?, seriously?

Truth, justice and accountability are alien concepts to Wirral Council.

We can’t help feeling that the Hillsborough Memorial and the people of Wirral deserve so much better

Pravdacadabra!

 Speak-NO

“Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.”

Following the tragic circumstances which led to the postponement of the Birkenhead Constituency Committee meeting it reconvened last week at Birkenhead Town Hall.The first observation of our Wirral Leaks correspondent was the mesmerising optical illusion of a united front featuring Wirral Council’s Director of Law Surjit Tour,Councillor George Davies and Birkenhead MP Frank Field!!! (see above)

Whilst our correspondent squirmed in their seat it was business unusual for the Town hall triumvirate with St.Frank controlling the show presiding over a mockery of democracy – doling out a few quid for no doubt worthy endeavours but it still felt very much like a politburo-led exercise in smoke and mirrors.As Wirral Leaks followers will already know our particular interest in this meeting arose from our concerns raised in last months blog- CLICK HERE

where we wrote : “Now Wirral Leaks and Eric Pickles are not natural bedfellows but we have a degree of sympathy for his directive about the prevention of the publication of what he calls “Town Hall Pravdas” – that is Councils printing nothing more than propaganda sheets funded with public money. Now if this wasn’t Wirral Council we’d say “well what’s wrong with telling local people what’s going on ?” – but this IS Wirral Council and we believe openness and transparency will never be the motivation behind such a publication. This is the place where secrecy is the modus operandi ….”

The agenda item for the Birkenhead “community newspaper” said this:”Partner Contributions/Provider:  The pilot editions will be produced in partnership with Lairdside Together.They are a Birkenhead-based organisation;established as a Community Development Trust in 1996 with objectives to promote, support and deliver regeneration, wealth, prosperity and economic well-being. They are providing the editorial element of production at a discounted rate and they will recruit and manage the apprenticeship role….”

And so in inimitable Wirral Leaks style we thought we’d do a little research about Lairdside Together…..
And what do you know – who are the first two names who appear listed as Company Directors ????

Poof! as if by magic up pop the names of Rock Ferry Labour Councillor Christine Meaden and Councillor Phillip Leslie Davies…….aka Wirral Council leader Power Boy Pip - CLICK HERE

Although Councillor Meaden spoke during this agenda item our correspondent couldn’t recall any declarations of interest from either Councillor!

So much for open and transparent!

Under the circumstances we are not reassured by peachy keen Birkenhead Constituency Manager Dawn Tolcher’s declaration that the content of the propaganda sheet will be monitored by an editorial board to ensure that it “is non political and it’s what people want to read”

Our undercover correspondent was not in a position to respond to this disingenuous statement at the time so we’ll do it for them:

“Bollocks!”

LARDSIDE

Whatever Foulkesy Wants Foulkesy Gets?

2014-Vauxhall-MAYOR

“Recline yourself, resign yourself, you’re through
I always get what I aim for…..” (Whatever Lola Wants)

Ullo Foulksey got a new motor?

They’re certainly pulling out all the stops for Foulkesy’s Mayoral reign at Wirral Council aren’t they?  Firstly news arrives that he has a new motor  – a shiny new silver/blue Vauxhall Insignia replacing the Jag.

However it is with a wry smile we note the comments of David Armstrong ,a Director of Something or Other, who’s main role seems to be making press statements so that none of the flak gets back to Burgesski. Armstrong pre-empts any criticism of the purchasing of a brand new vehicle just before Foulksey’s triumphant ascendancy to first citizenry by emphasising Wirral’s proximity to Vauxhall motors in Ellesmere Port and claiming that Council vehicles are “replaced on the basis of age,condition and reliability.”

We think they should have stuck with the Jag  – as frankly we think Foulksey is well suited to a clapped out guzzler that’s no longer fit for purpose.

SEE HERE

Secondly one would assume that Wallasey Town Hall having had an expensive makeover would be fit for a  Mayor making ceremony.

However we understand that the sickening,sorry … glittering event will break with Council tradition and be held at New Brighton’s Floral Pavilion.

The questions have to be asked as to why there has been a change in this tradition? who’s idea was it ? and who is picking up the tab for the new venue when Wallasey Town Hall would have been free?

We can only assume that one long-running Wirral Council tradition remains intact as like a low rent Lola it would seem  “whatever Foulksey wants Foulksey gets”  …….well, almost whatever he wants anyway!

King Midas In Reverse

SOPPIP

So how’s that “Improvement Journey” going for you Supreme Leader Pip ?
It would seem that having hoodwinked Joycie and the Local Government Association lackeys who presided over the toothless Improvement Board with a pie chart,an action plan and a donation to the LGA fighting fund ( fighting for the right to sustain the self serving status quo) it would appear that its very much back to business unusual at Wirral Council.

However it would appear that  Power Boy Pip and Comrade Burgesski , surely the most calamitous double act since Sodom & Gomorrah, carry on oblivious to reality and in today’s Guardian’s “Public Leaders Network” ( a platform whereby Council leaders nominate themselves to talk propagandist bollocks – and not as they’d like it to appear, a news item in the actual newspaper)  they provide a Stalinist rewriting of history that is a masterclass in revisionist bullshit. The deeply troubling events which led to their respective appointments fails to get a mention. As her Ladyship said : ” I suspect that only the Dulux sheepdog has witnessed more gloss” – SEE HERE

Meanwhile back in the real world the “excessive secrecy” ,”corrosive culture” and “bureaucratic machinations” appear to be back with a vengeance. Below are a selection of quotes from ongoing cases which make it seem like the optimistically titled “Independent Review – Refresh & Renew” never happened (which of course if you listen to Pip & Burgesski  it never did).
 
Forked Tongues & Fernbank Farm

Carolyn Thomson a member of the Fernbank Farm campaign group contacted Wirral Leaks to ask: “Speaking as a member of fernbank farm, we have had no word from the council about their proposed site of where they will re home us, they have gone quiet again , are they ignoring us yet again. Although they have said that they will find us somewhere the equivalent or better I suspect that they won’t find us anywhere at all and we shall be stableless, after our dealings with them I find it hard to trust anything they say, we have heard nothing from them since the court case in February. Does anyone know what’s going on?”

Led Up Hill and Down Lyndale

Parent Governor Emma Leadbetter commenting on the consultation process about Wirral Council being “minded” to close Lyndale School :
“We have sat and read the consultation document – it’s all about funding and capital.We think it’s quite misleading.The openness and transparency we were promised has been taken away from the parents…”  See HERE

Field of “In Your Dreams”

Ingleborough Road memorial field campaigners complain about the failure of the Council to publish a secret report despite a tribunal ruling telling them they should do so in accordance with Freedom Of Information Act. A spokesman for the Birkenhead Institute Old Boys’ group said :“There is no justification for the council to drag its heels, especially when it has given previous assurances to the Information Commissioner that it will improve its performance in dealing with Freedom of Information inquiries.SEE HERE

James Of A Thousand Days (& Counting)

James Griffiths reminds us that it is over a thousand days since he and Nigel Hobro whistleblew to the Council about exactly what we may never know – as we are still awaiting the publication of the reports investigating their myriad concerns about the Council’s financial arrangements with outside bodies staffed with insiders:

“Is that the DCLG Report into Big, ISUS and Working Neighbourhoods Reports that Phil the Dill is sitting on?.No it is the Grant Thornton Report they are still grovelling to the DCLG (Department of Communities & Local Government).We know we have lessons to learn blah! blah! blah! to quote the next Mayor. I’d like a dollar for every time he has said that at the Fudgit and Risk It Committee Meetings….”

On a lighter note Mr.Hobro informs us that some of the funny money involved was spent on “Parrot Studies & Behaviour” (no you really couldn’t make this shit up). Could this be for the Council power elite to learn how to “parrot” the well known phrases – “No case to answer” , ” Moving Forward” and “Lessons Have Been Learned” ?

In consideration of all the above might we suggest that if Power Boy Pip truly wants to improve Wirral Council he needs to take a leaf out of Tranmere Rovers book and act swiftly and decisively at the first suggestion of misconduct and if proven start sacking some people.

Readers will recall our Curse of Pip article where Pip and Ronnie Moore met up at a PR event at Wallasey Town Hall  - SEE HERE   where we reported on Rover’s boss’s suspension.

Now considering some of the shady shenanigans that have gone on with Wirral Council staff and Councillors Moore must feel hard done by that he’s lost the managers job at Prenton Park for admitting to betting irregularities .

If he worked for the Council no doubt it would have been no case to answer ,a biq cheque and an untarnished reputation. Of course the ultimate test of Pip’s glorious new regime is how he intends to handle the Wirralgate affair before the shit really hits the fan.

Having already not acted swiftly and decisively when he first heard the tapes we presume it will be a case of back to what Wirral Council knows best – cover up,delay and,denial (see above)…….

And so in Honour of Power Boy Pip, and to herald a new dawn we give you a possible suggestion for the  “Liverpool City Region Combined Authority Chairpersons Theme Song”

“He’s not the man to hold your trust
Everything he touches turns to dust
In his hands
Nothing he can do is right
He’d even like to sleep at night
But he can’t …..”

Ministry of Public Enlightenment & Propaganda

PowerPIPPED

Even considering  we had a  7 month start on Power Boy Pip’s Leader’s Blog it is clear from the 151,000 + hits that Wirral Leaks has had compared (since moving from Tumblr to wordpress)  to his 8,000 , it would appear that the Head of Community Engagement & Communications needs to start earning their £84,000 per annum salary ( plus, er, “bonuses” ). With all the pre-determined consultations, bogus surveys and approval of Freedom Of Information responses it would appear that somewhere along the line the propaganda war is clearly being lost.

As with Goebbels’ original concept   -  The Ministry of Public Enlightenment & Propaganda -  the Leaders blog seems to be an attempt to develop a cult of personality – only without the personality.

For those yet to sample the riveting delights of the Leaders Blog it goes something like this :

” Hi , er , friends and  citizens of Wirral -   everything is thrusting and dynamic here on the golf peninsula  – have I told you about the exciting development on Wirral Waters?.Well , just for now ,instead of thrusting and dynamic skyscrapers we’ve planted some trees. No ,honestly, everything is going to plan, just a few diplomatic hitches to iron out and we’re good to go . Meanwhile I have single handedly turned the Council  into a streamlined thrusting and dynamic organisation ( “you’ve already said thrusting and dynamic” - Head of Community Engagement & Communications)- Oh and have I mentioned the golf? yes there’s a golf tournament where somebody wins a jolly big cheque and a silver trophy and we get to hang out around the hospitality tents pretending to be important…..er and , anything else?…. (  “No! – best not mention the forthcoming Mayor ceremony” – Head of Community Engagement & Communications ).”

Or there’s pictures of Pip doing his “I care  – I’m approachable – I’m not bored,really “ routine with some Modern Apprentice who’s been dragged away from Youtube and asked to grin for the cameras whilst Pip reports :

” Here I am in the busy,busy Legal Department where they do awfully clever legal stuff involving laws and organising cover ups and not renewing leases.Next week I’ll be in Human Resources where apparently they do stuff with humans -  indeed it’s very important that the 23 remaining staff we have working for the Council are paid a living wage and feel supported during this difficult time because if the 23 staff weren’t doing the work of 300 we’d be well and truly stuffed.

I hope to soon drop in on the Finance Department and cheque out (geddit!) whether there’s enough money in the kitty for Burgesski’s antique crystal chandelier to light his throne room (the lavatory to you and I.) No doubt I will jest with my Comrade that in such financially constrained times it is perhaps inappropriate to spend public money on such fripperies….but we both know I can’t bear to see him looking like a sad emoticon so I’ll probably give in like I always do….”

Wirral Leaks Disclaimer :  We defer to Justice Saunders and his deliberations on coverage of the Hacking Trial in relation the internet and Private Eye Magazine  ( November 2013): “It is meant to be satire. You ignore it; it has no serious input and it is not relevant to your considerations. It is one of those things that you will have to ignore, a joke that in the circumstances of today is a joke in exceptionally bad taste…”

And accordingly we humbly suggest to Wirral Council that any further claims of “hurt feelings” should be considered in this context.

Handbags At Dawn On Animal Farm

HAnbags

So as Mayor Joe runs away squealing like a stuck pig threatening to take the city of Liverpool with him we seem to have a City Region Combined Authority in search of a city.  We mentioned the other day that the (Liverpool) City Region Combined Authority debacle reminded us of a non- anthropomorphic version of  George Orwell’s Animal Farm.

That analogy seems even more apt today with Mayor Joe taking the “Napoleon” role  –  the pig described in Orwell’s novel  as “a large, rather fierce-looking  Berkshire boar, the only Berkshire on the farm, not much of a talker, but with a reputation for getting his own way”

Enter stage left (pun intended) we have “Snowball” played by Power Boy Pip Davies – Napoleon’s porcine rival and the original head of Animal Farm. Then throwing themselves into the pig pen (or should that be play pen) is “Squealer” or Leader of St.Helens Council Barrie Grunewald as he is better known , who squeals at Napoleon (Mayor Joe) to “stop playing silly games”

SEE HERE

Meanwhile the City Region Animal Farm acrimoniously descends into anarchy whilst a bemused and bewildered public look on thinking  a) aren’t all these Labour Council “leaders” supposed to be on the same side ? and b) these people are supposed to be running a so-called Super -Council responsible for billions of pounds of public money?

Local Government Overlord Eric Pickles must be in his Whitehall office having more than a few belly laughs,  dunking his digestives in his Yorkshire Tea and thinking to himself that this mob on Merseyside couldn’t organise a bunfight in a bakery.

We understand why Mayor Joe has been receiving a lot of flak for his childish ,churlish behaviour which seems unbecoming for someone who harbours lofty political ambitions. However , his claims of clandestine meetings and dirty deals done behind closed doors would certainly come as no surprise to those of us familiar with the ongoing “bureaucratic machinations” which have plagued Wirral Council over recent years.

However, bizarrely given whats been happening under Power Boy Pips watch of late,  Liverpool Echo reporter Marc Waddington claims he is a safe pair hands  – SEE HERE

In his filmed commentary Marc says :  “Phil is a very capable politician and has smoothed the troubled waters on Wirral…”   ERM REALLY ?

Perhaps the most telling insight into Phil came via a comment on the Wirral Globe webiste :

“Phil Davies comes across as the sort of individual who gets out of bed in the morning and stands on an upturned plug. Then, while hopping around in agony, stands on a rake which flips up and knocks him out. And then when he finally comes round, declares: “Doing nothing is not an option.” For the zillionth time.
He’d be better off staying in bed.”

Now we know that until fairly recently Wirral could have been a foreign country as far as the Liverpool Echo was concerned , so perhaps they won’t be quite as familiar with the local political scene as we are at Leaky Towers.

Therefore we’d like to advise that beneath the apparent smooth waters there are dangerous undercurrents which may well yet turn into a political tsunami………

 

Fools Paradise

ANGRY-GET-IT-RIGHT

Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours. With a little understanding. You can find the perfect blend………”

How appropriate that the first meeting of the LIVERPOOL City Region Combined Authority should have it’s inaugural meeting on April Fools Day. SEE HERE

You will note that Wirral Council website cannot bring itself to use the L word and coyly refers to a City Region Combined Authority.

And so it would seem we are all now officially living in the Peoples “Socialist” Republic Of Merseyside – a veritable fools paradise of working class chancers and middle class charlatans riding that gravy train for all it’s worth.

Reading like a Mills & Boon novel written by Karl Marx we see flighty,flirty Miss Wirral fleeing the evil clutches of Cheshire’s Tory Boy and return to the crimson caress of her first true love, thus fulfilling a long held ambition of becoming Liverpool’s golf resort over the River Mersey (although visitors are advised to wear blinkers as they travel their way through the decay and dereliction before arriving at the green sanctuary of the golf course)

However the fascination for us at Leaky Towers was the race to be the first chair of this auspicious group and much to our hilarity it turns out to be Power Boy Pip !!!! – thereby providing us with endless comic possibilities. With of course Foulksey being crowned mayor in June this promises to be a bumper year for satire. SEE HERE

What gives this appointment added frisson is the clear tension that exists between the Labour Council leaders and particularly Mayor Joe and Our Boy Pip. It’s like a non- anthropomorphic version of Animal Farm!.

We were praying for a Harry Hill type scrap today but clearly given the heads up that he wasn’t getting the top job Mayor Joe threw a diva strop and arrived after Pip’s appointment and left straight after the end of the meeting with his lips hermetically sealed ( which must be a first!).

Of course it didn’t take long for the titty-lipped loser to start sniping about Power Boy Pip’s incongruous appointment modestly commenting : “We have been stopped by people who were saying that I’m too big a personality and that Liverpool is too strong….”  SEE HERE

This was clearly a riposte to Pip who had previously oozed,  :

“The overall objective of bringing more jobs and growth to the city region is more important than any personality or individual politician. It’s absolutely essential, it’s a no brainer…..”

Which is presumably why a “no-brainer” was appointed to be chair!

Looks like this bitch-fest will run and run……

Suddenly_Angry_Anderson
Ta-ra for now,Comrades!

 

Big Brother is watching you and Wirral Leaks is watching them ….

 ORWELL

Modern technology is a wonderful thing .Where would we be without it when it comes to Wirralgate and those eye-watering recordings - having said that we would have thought from the deluge of information we’ve seen about the ISUS/BIG/Working Neighbourhoods whistle-blow that it wouldn’t take the unlocking of a Nokia phone to identify serious causes for concern (even for those highly paid executives for whom Excel spreadsheets remain an eternal  mystery)

However there are times when we do wonder whether modern technology is always put to useful purpose. For example , a sourcein the know tells us about the odd goings on at Wirral Council Solar Campus site on Leasowe Rd , and informs us that in the entrance hall there is a flat screen TV which runs looped images of what is happening in the offices.

If so – can it be true that it costs £8,000 per year to rent this system and if so what essential,enthralling images do they capture ?- the arguments over who’s turn it is to do the tea run ? ensuring that staff are not wasting precious resources photocopying their backsides ?

Talking of TV our interest was piqued by a case of some perfectly dreadful TV “personality” who was in a spot of bother for allegedly making a racial slur.  A lawyer from Equal Justice comments that : “ It is offensive,casual racism to boost ratings”.
Now what does that remind us of ?……

 

Latter Day Saint

SAINT-FRANK2

Now there’s something of the revolutionary spirit of the recently deceased Tony Benn that pervades Leaky Towers – we may have been born into privilege but we’ll always admire a straight talking man of the people.

Consequently the only honours we really approve of are hereditary and we’re very suspicious of the motivation behind public awards especially when they’re meted out to the likes of “Sir” Jimmy Savile , ” Sir” Fred Goodwin and Steve Maddox “OBE”.

It seems to us that modern day public honours merely serve the purpose of instilling undue deference to supposed upstanding pillars of the community that somehow make them immune from censure or criticism.

Of course Parliamentarian of the Year , The Right Honourable Frank Field, would never indulge in such tawdry glory-hunting with his tireless work fighting for an end to hunger,poverty and slavery. God only knows where he finds the time to run Wirral Council when he’s trying to do a bit of good in the world…………..

And, of course , who could forget the incongruous photo-op of Frankie-baby with frockmaker Vivienne Westwood and er, Pamela Anderson at some tree-hugging,back-slapping love-in about climate change?

Strikes us he thinks he’s Birkenhead’s answer to U2′s Bono but without the leather kecks and the Raybans. (At this point Her Ladyship leaves the room clutching her head complaining that the thought of Mr.Field in leather trousers has brought on a dreadful migraine.)

Anyway we think Our Frank is hanging on in there for “The Big One” – no you silly-billies ,not the beknighted touch of the Queen’s sword , we’re convinced he won’t be happy ’til he’s canonized.

Move over St.Francis of Assisi, here’s St.Frank in the Fields!

Indeed one of the most curious awards he’s picked up along this primrose path of patron sainthood is the Mormon Family Values Award 2012 - SEE HERE
Of course not being married or having children makes him the ideal candidate to espouse how families should lead their lives. However we have reason to believe he may have been nominated by a local councillor and no doubt he was able to coach Frank on his own interpretation of ‘family values’.

Our very own agent provocateur Verity has been doing some research and it would seem Mormons themselves are not averse to a bit of meddling in politics – they funded Proposition 8 which was intended to ban same sex marriage in California (failed) and they’re currently trying to get legislation in Utah overturned which allows same sex marriage in that state.

It is also interesting to note that Mormons have to pay at least 10% of all their income to the church. We presume this includes council allowances so does any Wirral Council tax funded cash eventually find its way to Salt Lake City to fund ‘the building of temples, churches and other buildings’ (shopping malls)?.

Having said that Frank has some very idiosyncratic views on family values himself. Remember when he displayed impeccable humanitarian principles by volunteering Birkenhead as a pilot scheme for placing problem families in metal containers underneath motorway flyovers?  SEE HERE

Mr Field said at the time : “We can’t skirt around this issue any longer. We have to show these people that their behaviour will no longer be tolerated and that they don’t deserve to live among decent, hard-working taxpaying families.”

We’d like to say this statement sounds as though it has come straight out of Conservative Central Office so can we suggest that to demonstrate his true allegiance and indeed demonstrate “we are all this together” he perhaps needs to extend this approach to errant local Councillors and start ordering , mafia -style , that they be placed in concrete pillars supporting motorway flyovers , thus ensuring that they achieve their manifest destiny of literally becoming fine upstanding pillars of the community……………..

For as we know, as in many things in Wirral , all roads lead to Field!

The Devil Reads Pravda

LEAKYPRAVDA
Now Wirral Leaks and Eric Pickles are not natural bedfellows but we have a degree of sympathy for his directive about the prevention of the publication of what he calls “Town Hall Pravdas” – that is Councils printing nothing more than propaganda sheets funded with public money.

Now if this wasn’t Wirral Council we’d say “well what’s wrong with telling local people what’s going on ?” – but this IS Wirral Council and we believe openness and transparency will never be the motivation behind such a publication. This is the place where secrecy is the modus operandi and which has been further demonstrated this week with the forced publication of yet another secret report,

SEE HERE

The recently constituted Birkenhead Constituency Committee is proposing such a publication under the guise of “improving communication” and was included in last night’s meeting (27th March).

SEE HERE

Based on a highly dubious ” consultation ” it was claimed the publication will be the perfect vehicle for delivering the “unbiased political reporting” which apparently is so desired by the people of Birkenhead – well according to their “survey” of 250 people out of a population of 60,000 anyway! After all we can’t have those award winning pesky local newspapers and ‘disgraceful’ blogs exposing WBC’s darkest secrets. We need balance, we need happy clappy POSTIVE news. And as a good spin doctor will tell you everyday is a good day to bury bad news . Distract the bovine herd with rainbows, lollipops and the sort of inspirational stories that make Upworthy’s news model read like “The Bell Jar”. But never, EVER let them get at the truth.

SEE HERE

But don’t worry the proposed publication complies with their famous ABCD principles:
“The long term development of a community led news hub would involve community connectors to ensure the publication remains community developed and focused”.
WTF?..I don’t know about foreign language translators but we do wish Wirral Council would provide translators for bollocks such as this.

Meanwhile we at Wirral Leaks, being a much valued vehicle for disseminating Council business, have received an exclusive press release announcing the arrival of this exciting new development in the publishing world:

PRESS RELEASE :

“Birkenhead is Super-Fab” publication

Editor: The Ministry of Spin

Coming soon ! – A new super-fab magazine were we discuss how SUPER-FAB Birkenhead is….and how it’s super-fabness is all down to Frank ,Pip and the gang.
Why read those those poisonous and insulting blogs when we have the real super-fabness that’s going on in YOUR AREA ? – Our crack team of arselickers ( geddit?) will be reporting on dog crap and potholes and the environmental threat of empty crisp packets .We bring you the stuff that WE SAY matters to YOU!!!

There’ll be absolutely super-fabulous fashion spreads featuring what TOP Council executives have in their wardrobes – so you can expect plenty of pictures of customised football shirts, mayoral bling and of course Australian fashion boots typically made of twin-faced sheepskin with fleece on the inside, a tanned outer surface and a synthetic sole. 

There will also be exclusive pictures of our future first citizen and his consort opening foodbanks with FUN captions like : ” Leave those dented tins from the back of the cupboard Foulksey they’re for the poor folks NOT poor Foulkes – you cheeky scamp !!!”

There will be pictures from that golf tournament thingy with Foulksey being Wirral’s ambassador of FUN! Imagine perhaps Mr Blobby on Ketamine -with his delightful informal cheeky chappy persona he will not be making a holy show of us AT ALL!!

But there’ll be no pictures of Foulksey’s “high jinks” at Tranmere Rovers hospitality suite. NO that’s just NOT super-fab. Not super-fab AT ALL!  Because we’re all about super-fabness here as we believe that “Birkenhead is Super -Fab” ….and soon YOU WILL TOO! We don’t want bad news bears with sore heads in our petting zoo !!! – No! We want kittens and puppies and butterflies and meerkats – Super-fab FUN animals that don’t rip your fucking head off or disembowel you or other such unpleasantness.

WE believe in the words of Improvement Board member and Local Government Association official “Visionizer” Haysi Fantayzee and his SUPER-FAB affirmation : “SHINY,SHINY bad times behind me….” – so get your copy of “Birkenhead is Super Fab” NOW!

Only £48,000 from your nearest gutter !

Here is the planned presentation from the postponed Committee meeting at Birkenhead Town Hall.