Crushed – The Closing of Lyndale School

We implored Wirral Council to “tread softly” when it came to Lyndale School.
However reverting to type last night they decided to put on the bovver-boy boots and crush the hopes of pupils,parents,carers,teachers and supporters by deciding to close the special school.

Knowing what she was up against parent spokesperson Chrissie Woodland declined to speak at the meeting of Wirral Council’s Cabinet claiming that it was a “waste of time”.

Indeed it appears to us the whole consultation process was a completely stage managed farrago. We imagine the pre-meeting conversations went something like: ” Right Julia , Ann will ask the first question and then Bernie can ask the next one and then you give us your rehearsed answer and we’ll nod along pretending to be interested”.

Let’s face it as soon as Julia Hassall stated from the outset of the consultation that Wirral Council was “minded” to close Lyndale School it was a done deal.

What we don’t understand that if “economic considerations” were the reason for the closure why don’t the sums add up?
Are the “economic considerations” more to do with a future potential capital receipt for the land we ask ourselves?

Meanwhile the valiant parents have vowed to challenge the process which led to the decision and have it quashed at Judicial Review.

So before they bulldoze the sensory garden funded by £80,000 worth of donations from Wirral Globe readers Wirral Council need to be “minded” that the fight is far from over. We’ll be ringside hoping for a knockout blow in this David and Goliath battle.

Death By A Thousand Cuts

This week Wirral Council agreed to £2.5 million worth of cuts (disguised as “budget savings) to local services. Despite the fact that the “refreshed” Corporate Plan gave “protecting the vulnerable ” top billing it’s clear from where the axe fell that this claim is nothing more than a miserable lie. It is clear that the vast majority of the cuts were aimed at vulnerable people – namely respite services for disabled adults and children and the scrapping of Council Tax discount to pensioners over 70.

The Council meeting where these cuts were discussed appears to be a rather tense affair judging by the footage on John Brace’s blog

Mayor Foulkes seemed particularly tetchy telling lone Green Councillor Pat “Green Not Mean” Cleary that he couldn’t address Council because he didn’t have a seconder (which is a bit difficult when you’re on your own) :  ” I’ve made the decision.Sit down….” he yelled before going on to tell another Green ,by name if not by nature,this being the Tory leader Jefferson, to : ” Sit down. I’m speaking…” .

Foulkesy then went on to relent ” as it was Christmas” and obviously regretted the decision as Cllr Cleary’s impassioned anti-austerity speech drew rapturous applause from the public gallery. ” I won’t be ambushed again” pouted the titty-lipped tinpot dictator.

It’s clear from the public’s reaction  the Green Party is cultivating a groundswell of support (geddit?) and long may it continue. Anything that disrupts the political hegemony which has blighted Wirral for far too long is alright by us at Leaky Towers.

There was another speech of note from  Cllr Janette ” Millie Tant” Williamson who railed against the coalition government and their policies which was very much in the Labour tradition of blaming the government for decisions made by Wirral Council. What is always missing from the ” it’s all central government’s fault”  default position is the fact that the coalition government did NOT dictate to  Wirral Council how to implement the Bedroom Tax or their increasingly reprehensible approach to Council Tax discounts and exemptions or their continual scapegoating of disabled people – talking of which will this inglorious history continue tonight when Cabinet finally decides the fate of Lyndale School?

What’s more is Cllr.Williamson aware of the national Labour Party’s stance on austerity?
It is clear from  policy statements made by Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls that if Labour succeed in getting into power following the next General Election then Labour have promised yet more austerity measures.

Who will Wirral Council blame then?

He Wouldnt’ Let It Lie


News reaches us that Bob Mortimer  (wacky sidekick to Vic Reeves) lookie-likie Martin Morton has been whistleblowing again.

” That man’s cheeks must look like Kim Kardashian’s arse” piped up Eldritch rather ungraciously.

Apparently there’s an email doing the rounds detailing further calamities at Wirral Council.  Astonishingly we’ve been told it has absolutely nothing to do with this gobsmacking Freedom Of Information request:

It just makes us want to ask – what exactly is up with these people at Wirral Council?

Are they just living in hope that the guy spontaneously combusts?

Fear not dear readers – it’s only a matter of time before the email gets leaked…….

The Mayor Reacts

The Mayor Reacts

Sheena Is A Non-Shocker

Let the battle of the sexes commence as the self-serving “public servants” line up to sip from the poisoned chalice that is the Chief Executive post at Wirral Council.
Following our lead (and you know you do you clueless bunch of bottom feeders at Wirral Council ) but we suspect that the next Chief Executive will probably be of the female persuasion.

We understand the first to throw their hat in the ring is Sheena Ramsey – the former Knowsley Council official who left with a tidy £200,000 kiss off. SEE HERE

She then failed to get the top job at Bradford Council and is now sniffing round for the consolation prize at Wirral Council and may have already had a heart to heart with Comrade Burgesski to see whether it’s a goer.

Well when we say heart to heart they’ve probably got their calculators out and compared how much money is to be made from sitting there and taking the flak for a never-ending series of fuck-ups. No doubt Burgesski told her just to repeat the words ” Common Purpose” at regular intervals and she’ll be a shoe-in….

We also hear that Becky “Well Hard” Hellard, Finance Director at Liverpool City Council may also be interested in taking the Ferry Cross The Mersey.It may seem to be a bit of an ambitious punt for a mere Director – but the Liverpool connection will no doubt stand her in good stead.

Meanwhile  we wonder whether Addled  still thinks he’s in with a shout ? – we think it may be a case of wrong sex ,wrong time but we are living in very strange times so anything can happen…………………………… we’ll keep you posted on any developments.

Big Guns in Tiny Town


Following our earlier story about the beano in Reno Verity has been doing some further research into other towns who have had the dubious honour of being twinned with Wirral.  Apparently Wirral has been rather wanton with it’s unique charms and has previously wooed (in no particular order) Gennevilliers (France) ,Lorient (France) ,Latina (Italy) and Midland (Texas ,USA not the Black Country).
Then of course there was the Eurowirral office in Brussels which achieved er, well nothing much at all really.

As we’ve said before it seems to us at Leaky Towers that never has so much public money been spent on air miles by so many globetrotting councillors and officers to achieve so very little………

Of course the Twin Town debate is something that has concerned the great and the ghoul of Wirral for sometime.
Leaky Towers have always maintained we should be twinned with Jericho in recognition of our local whistleblowing community whilst Frankenfield seems to think that Birkenhead should be twinned with Beirut!.

However it seems to us that Wirral is behaving like a desperate divorcee on a dating website – posting flattering pictures to prospective partners in the hope of finding true love and salvation. The Reno hook-up seems particularly dodgy – apparently the fact that “The Chamber of Commerce had a contact over in Reno with a guy who used to work in Liverpool in the video gaming industry….” was enough for the Wirral posse to metaphorically put on the lippy ,reach for the Wonderbra and fly down to Reno on a wing and a prayer.

Finally we’d particularly love to know what clean living local Councillor Paul “Danceaway” Doughty thinks about twinning with Reno – famous for gambling and quickie divorces.

Let’s just hope if we get a delegation from Reno visiting that Wirral tops up the Botox to prevent “The Biggest Little City in The World” seeking a quickie divorce…….

Wirral Leaks Advent Calendar – Carry On Cowboy


Now we know that we deal in satire at Leaky Towers but there are times when Wirral Council is simply beyond parody.

Escaping the dreary weather and austerity,cuts,redundancies Council Leader Power Boy Pip , Kevin Addled and Paula Basket from Wirral Chamber of Commerce fly out to the bright lights – turning their attention from the east and head west – the wild west of Reno,Nevada to be precise in the hope of making twin town arrangements and establishing trade links.

See here

First of all we’re wondering as to what happened to wooing Chinese investors like Stella Shiu? Are we finally going to get an admission that chasing the Chinese dragon was a complete waste of time and money ?  However we do feel that this optimistic hook-up is a much more appropriate arrangement – involving as it does desperate gamblers from a cultural desert.

Needless to say we’ll be following this development closely especially when we read that during their transatlantic trip the trumped up trade delegation trio met with a character called Geno Martini from Reno’s neighbouring city of Sparks.

You really couldn’t make this shit up.

Wirral Leaks Advent Calendar – Fail to Plan,Plan to Fail.

Wirral Council seem to think that as long as they have plan that everything is A-OK on Planet Fail!!
They may not keep to the plan,the plan may be filled with meaningless happy clappy platitudes but hey they’ve got a plan. Hooray! God bless us one and all.
The latest manifestation of their plan-mania is the “Corporate Plan : Refreshed for 2015-16″ (which appropriately enough makes it sound like a cheap toilet disinfectant)
The plan itself has all the substance of over-spun candyfloss  exemplified by one of those cliched and hackneyed word clouds ( somebody tell me have we time travelled back to 2010?)
The four words which comprise this word cloud are : Confidence,Ambition,Integrity and Efficiency.Please – no laughing at the back……..
However we thought that in honour of the Mayor the most prominent word should read (Vote of no) Confidence …..followed by (Over) – Ambitious , (Lack of) Integrity and (Full of) Effluence.


Wirral Leaks Advent Calendar

One of the joys of compiling the Wirral Leaks advent calendar is lighting upon old stories and pictures. CIGGIEMATES

We’re publishing one of our very favourite ones again today and with much generosity on our part as we’re not requesting a consultancy fee from Wirral Council.

We say this as we think this iconic image would make a great picture for next years Stoptober campaign. This years anti-smoking campaign featured some dreary policy wonk droning on about the advantages of giving up smoking – appropriately enough round the back of Wallasey Town Hall –  whilst accompanied by what looked like some half-wit dressed as a ciggie (was it one of the Super- Duper Directors perchance?)


We think that this picture with the caption: ” DON’T BE LEFT OUT IN THE COLD ! PACK IT IN TODAY !” is a much more potent message about the perils of smoking in public places.

Wirral Leaks Advent Calendar


Our first revelation is an exclusive Leaky Towers preview of the memoir of the soon to be departing Wirral Council Chief Executive Comrade Burgesski.

This mighty tome is titled ” I Believed” and we anticipate it will be a modern day morality tale telling how an idealistic young social worker and union firebrand is seduced by the bright lights of Blackburn and Birkenhead  – eventually rising to dizzying heights to become the fourth most influential person in local government. Inevitably, as often happens in such tales, after the rise comes the fall as Burgesski embarks on a challenge too far by attempting to turn around the fortunes of  failing Wirral Council.

A task that leading local government experts have likened to trying to climb Mount Everest in roller skates. We think this book will be essential reading for anyone considering entering into a Faustian pact.

Book Reviews

“Former Comrade joins the running dogs of capitalism. A paradigm of  false consciousness and conscious falseness.As Marx (Groucho) once said: “These are my principles.If you don’t like them,I have others” .
A traitor! – The Morning Star

” Influential leader publishes a manual for anyone who wants to get ahead in local government. As leading blue sky thinking bureaucrat Phil Formin once said : “Sincerity is everything . If you can fake that you’ve got it made”. An inspiration! -
The Local Government Chronicle

” Silver Fox lifts lid on what goes on behind closed doors in the town hall (and other places).As Employee X would have said if they hadn’t signed a gagging clause : ” Burgesski knows the secret of how to make people happy.And what’s more he sure knows how to keep a secret!” . Foxy!  – Take A Break

Order your copy now : Only £48,000 !!! ( shower not included).

The Poisoned Chalice


Question : What’s the difference between “leader” (lol) of  Wirral Council Phil” Power Boy Pip” Davies and a supermarket trolley?
Answer : A supermarket trolley has a mind of it’s own !

Accordingly our so-called “Leader with Special Powers”  has decided to further line the pockets of external consultants Penna and LGA from a seemingly bottomless pit of public money. This time it’s to give advice on the appointment of a new Chief Executive to follow in the footsteps of Comrade ” I’m a non-entity get me out of here”  Burgesski.

This week saw the unedifying spectacle of an Employment and Appointments Committee where nodding dog Labour deputies  Cllr Ann “McCrackers” McLachlan and Gorgeous George “Downfall” Davies  fearlessly backed Pip in his mission to attract a top-notch Chief Executive on a top-whack salary.

 “We need a reality check and get in the real world” implored Cllr McLachlan , somehow managing to keep a straight face as she endorsed a £175,000 golden hello for another doubtless self-serving shyster.

Let’s face it whoever they appoint to the top job their task is to simply make people redundant and close down public services and take the flak whilst Pip blames the Tories (whilst failing  to mention that if they are elected at the next General Election Labour intend to carry on regardless with the self-same “austerity measures!” ……..)

Indeed a quick glance at the Penna website tells you everything you need to know about what kind of candidate Wirral Council are looking for:

“Enhanced efficiency and seeking to do more with less in the face of ever growing demands and more exacting financial pressures whilst trying to maintain the current welfare state benefits means that current paradigms need to shift.
In the current economic climate there is increasing pressure for public services to run efficiently. Driving forward public sector reform will help the UK emerge stronger and faster from the global downturn. Learning from those already making efficiency savings is the next challenge for public services”

Which translates as : ” Yes we love public services so much we decided to work in the private sector and make lots of money advising public servants to hire people like us”…..which makes us at Leaky towers want to tell Penna where exactly they can shift their bloody paradigm.

And as for the LGA ( L’Oreal Government Services – ” Because we’re worth it…”)
Haven’t the people of Wirral paid you lot enough already – and for what exactly?

We noticed that both consultants still failed to point out in their unconvincing deliberations that a) there is a particular perk that the past three Chief Executives have enjoyed and  b) whosoever does take the job the first criteria must surely be whether they meet Frankenfield’s approval ….

So finally our advice to prospective candidates is that it might be wise to check out Wirral Leaks to know exactly what they’re really letting themselves in for before considering how they intend to spend their miserly £14,500 A MONTH paycheck……..